Bipolar is such a hard disease. I'm sorry!

How are you doing?

I’m okay but scattered (pop-corn like thoughts). I’ve attempted to turn down the mental background noise in order to concentrate on an exam I have due next week, but obviously it’s not working.

DH and I have been hashing out worst-case financial scenarios. We found out today that he won’t be able to go back to work. In an attempt to make a long story short: DH told HR/employer that the job he was hired for is making him sick (stress/anxiety exacerbating BP). HR/employer said that if you can’t do the job you were hired for then we don’t have anything else for you. Their reasons: DH’s salary/high profile position/yada yada. So, taking into account other variables, DH and I have been calculating how much time he has to find another job. There’s talk of me quitting school and going back to work. Stuff like that.

I remind myself that it could always be worse. DH hasn’t killed himself. I don’t mean to sound glib. It’s just an unfortunate possibility that we work hard to overcome.

Oh, gosh, nothing like having your whole life in an upheaval!

You sound very together about it, despite how hard this must be on the whole family. I don't mean to take this thread off on a tangent veering from the direction you need it to take, but I have some experience with living with depressed people, so I know what a toll it can take on the people around the depressed person. I'm really aching for you.

How do you feel about leaving school and going back to work? Is that something you're okay with, or would it be strictly a necessary evil?

Are you getting the emotional support you need IRL? Do you have help from family and/or friends?

I wish I had other help to offer, but I don't know any good books on bipolar. Anything I can do to help you, though, just ask!

K-

P.S. You might consider letting your professors know what's going on. I was always very understanding when a student warned me ahead of time that there was some issue that might make school hard for them for a while. There's no reason to risk flagging an exam when you have a valid crisis going on. Just a thought...

Kriston – your support and kindness go such a long way. Thank you.

I think I’m more on autopilot and less on being together. I started seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist recently to help with my coping skills and maintaining perspective. Sometimes the shades of gray become indistinguishable, and I have a hard time knowing what’s normal v. not normal (DH’s behavior). DH is too clever and, as a result, I miss things that would have helped had I been able to recognize them sooner. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense (see “scattered” above).

I’m amazed at what women (esp. mothers) can withstand in an effort to support their families. I feel a little selfish implying woe is me who juggles DH’s BP, strong-willed DS2, and law school. Thanks for letting me vent.

No, depression is really, really hard on the families. You're carrying your own normal burden, plus that of your DH right now, and that's a lot. For right now, woe IS you, and that's normal. Vent as needed!

I'm glad you have some counseling to help you through it. I hope it supports you as you need. Are you getting time away, too?

I don't really have time to get away, but the time I spend on this forum is welcome and helpful escapism. Reading about your kids makes me smile and lifts my spirits. Thinking about my own son makes me shake my head and smile. I suspect he thinks he's smarter than me. Problem is it's likely very true. However, I've still got (i) b/c I said so; (ii) b/c I'm older than you; and (iii) b/c, well... I'm your M-O-M on my side. At least for now.

If you can find a little time to yourself for something that relaxes you, it might help you feel less scattered. That feeling is a clear sign of stress. Be sure that you don't get so busy taking care of everyone else that you stop taking care of yourself.

Airplane logic works well here: "Put the oxygen mask on yourself before you assist others in your party."

Thanks! {{{hug}}}

I'm off to pick up the shake my head, make me sigh, and wonder how I spawned this DS2.

Hi Ann,
Any chance of getting DH on Social Security Disability Income? Have you talked to the social workers at the hospital? That would take some of the financial pressure off and might keep you in law school. Also, check with the financial aid people at your law school to see if you qualify for aid packages based on changing circumstances.

And "not killed himself" is huge. I know some who were not so lucky. So you don't sound glib to me at all.

Hugs!