Can any of you recommend a Bipolar or Mental Illness resource that's specific to GT folks? I'm not sure if such a thing exists. My HG DH is going through another episode and I'm looking for new insight. Reading makes me feel more in control of something that logically I know I have no control over. I think it's more of a coping mechanism for me.

Have you ever read "Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults"?

http://www.amazon.com/Misdiagnosis-Diagn...0899&sr=1-1

Might offer you some new information or new ways to view the situation.

No - I haven't read it. I put it on reserve at my local library. Thank you!

Hi Ann,

I don't have any resources for you. But I do have several acquaintances and 2 good family friends who are WAAAY gifted and also bipolar. Both have decided not to medicate because they are absolute off the scale geniuses when they are manic and they don't want to give that up. But they scare us nearly to death when they are depressed--terrifying! They are such good people and we love them dearly, it is hard to watch them go through this.

So take this as a virual hug.

Acs

Wow! You pursue resources faster than *I* do!!!
You are most welcome!

Thanks Acs (big hug to you too). It sounds like you know what we're going through. DH is in the depression cycle right now. Inpatient and day hospital hasn't helped. The group sessions make DH irritable b/c he doesn't identify w/ anyone in the group. Don't get me started on what he thinks of those facilitating the group sessions. Ideally (though not possible) DH would be willing to see his pyschiatrist daily. He respects his psychiatrist's frankness and intellect. DH went through several before he found the current doc.

Like other issues w/ our kiddos, this is something that I can't share with our "friends". And maybe I'm borrowing trouble, but I can't help but worry that DS2 will be like DH. It can be exhausting.

Start with this website and see if you can find anything of interest.

Also, it's been a few years but I read some articles about treating the depression with light therapy and a strict sleep schedule. I know meds are about the last thing most people with bipolar want to take. When they're up, they don't want to come down. When they're down, they think there is no reason worth lifting their mood. My heart goes out to you.

Added info.

OK, a couple more while I was browsing.

For children

Sleep connections

That sleep connections isn't real good, I think. Here's another one.

I love that the women (sorry for being sexist) are so helpful on this forum. Thank you OHG. I'll talke a look at the links now while I eat lunch.

Ann-

Big hugs to you and high hopes for a slightly less exciting rollercoaster ride through life for DH and those around him.

Bipolar is such a hard disease. I'm sorry!

How are you doing?

I’m okay but scattered (pop-corn like thoughts). I’ve attempted to turn down the mental background noise in order to concentrate on an exam I have due next week, but obviously it’s not working.

DH and I have been hashing out worst-case financial scenarios. We found out today that he won’t be able to go back to work. In an attempt to make a long story short: DH told HR/employer that the job he was hired for is making him sick (stress/anxiety exacerbating BP). HR/employer said that if you can’t do the job you were hired for then we don’t have anything else for you. Their reasons: DH’s salary/high profile position/yada yada. So, taking into account other variables, DH and I have been calculating how much time he has to find another job. There’s talk of me quitting school and going back to work. Stuff like that.

I remind myself that it could always be worse. DH hasn’t killed himself. I don’t mean to sound glib. It’s just an unfortunate possibility that we work hard to overcome.

Oh, gosh, nothing like having your whole life in an upheaval!

You sound very together about it, despite how hard this must be on the whole family. I don't mean to take this thread off on a tangent veering from the direction you need it to take, but I have some experience with living with depressed people, so I know what a toll it can take on the people around the depressed person. I'm really aching for you.

How do you feel about leaving school and going back to work? Is that something you're okay with, or would it be strictly a necessary evil?

Are you getting the emotional support you need IRL? Do you have help from family and/or friends?

I wish I had other help to offer, but I don't know any good books on bipolar. Anything I can do to help you, though, just ask!

K-

P.S. You might consider letting your professors know what's going on. I was always very understanding when a student warned me ahead of time that there was some issue that might make school hard for them for a while. There's no reason to risk flagging an exam when you have a valid crisis going on. Just a thought...

Kriston – your support and kindness go such a long way. Thank you.

I think I’m more on autopilot and less on being together. I started seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist recently to help with my coping skills and maintaining perspective. Sometimes the shades of gray become indistinguishable, and I have a hard time knowing what’s normal v. not normal (DH’s behavior). DH is too clever and, as a result, I miss things that would have helped had I been able to recognize them sooner. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense (see “scattered” above).

I’m amazed at what women (esp. mothers) can withstand in an effort to support their families. I feel a little selfish implying woe is me who juggles DH’s BP, strong-willed DS2, and law school. Thanks for letting me vent.

No, depression is really, really hard on the families. You're carrying your own normal burden, plus that of your DH right now, and that's a lot. For right now, woe IS you, and that's normal. Vent as needed!

I'm glad you have some counseling to help you through it. I hope it supports you as you need. Are you getting time away, too?

I don't really have time to get away, but the time I spend on this forum is welcome and helpful escapism. Reading about your kids makes me smile and lifts my spirits. Thinking about my own son makes me shake my head and smile. I suspect he thinks he's smarter than me. Problem is it's likely very true. However, I've still got (i) b/c I said so; (ii) b/c I'm older than you; and (iii) b/c, well... I'm your M-O-M on my side. At least for now.

If you can find a little time to yourself for something that relaxes you, it might help you feel less scattered. That feeling is a clear sign of stress. Be sure that you don't get so busy taking care of everyone else that you stop taking care of yourself.

Airplane logic works well here: "Put the oxygen mask on yourself before you assist others in your party."

Thanks! {{{hug}}}

I'm off to pick up the shake my head, make me sigh, and wonder how I spawned this DS2.

Hi Ann,
Any chance of getting DH on Social Security Disability Income? Have you talked to the social workers at the hospital? That would take some of the financial pressure off and might keep you in law school. Also, check with the financial aid people at your law school to see if you qualify for aid packages based on changing circumstances.

And "not killed himself" is huge. I know some who were not so lucky. So you don't sound glib to me at all.

Hugs!

I'm sorry Ann. It must be really hard on both of you. I hope you can get the disease under control and can find a better job for Dh. How much longer before you finish the school?

I like the idea of social worker. They may help you to find different resources.

Thanks Acs; I'll have to look into your suggestions! It helps to have something concrete to focus on. All I know right now is that DH is on short term disability. I'm going to meet DH's psychiatrist for the first time tomorrow. DH has finally agreed to let me go. I'm not sure why he's changed his mind now, but I'm grateful. I've only spoken to his psychiatrist twice on the phone. Each time precluded by a trip to the hospital. The first time I spoke with the psych I understood why DH likes him. DH likes plain speaking (as is his psych), is stingy with his thoughts, and never has to retract what he says. We're very different in this respect. I digress... During my initial conversation with DH's psych I told him that I was worried that I'd come home from school and DH would be dead. The psych told me "That's a very real possibility."

I'm a 1L (first year/second semester). Two more years to go. I'm the only woman with a child in my section. I think I might actually be the oldest. Although there's a gentleman with more gray hairs than me. Sometimes I wonder if I have two heads. I get bewildered looks from my classmates (i.e. I'm not young, single, childless, nor do I come from a wealthy family). It's quite a homogenous group. Different from what my DH and I were used to in the Bay Area. We live in a different state now (DH would say planet).

I wonder now if I was crazy to leave a job that I liked well enough. My immediate coworkers were great! But, I have to admit that I want to use the degree >>snort<< for good instead of evil, and that really appeals to me.

Hi Ann,

I just saw this thread, I was out and about yesterday. I am so sorry for what you are going through. My MIL has bipolar disorder and it is a devastating disease.
I, too, have worried about my children. I read somewhere that the genetic opponent would more of a risk if you had it, more likely to be passed down by the mother. I haven't been able to confirm this as scientifically proven, but I hope it gives you a tiny bit of peace in these tumultuous times.
It must have been truly frightening when DH's psychiatrist confirmed your worse fear. The most important part of this is DH is getting treatment and letting you in on it, that's huge. It doesn't take away the pressure on you though, I know it's so hard and overwhelming.
Take it one day at a time, that' all you can do. I'll bet you are brilliant at figuring out the far-reaching outcomes and potential situations that may happen as a result of your husband's breakdown. But you should try to break it down for yourself. Don't look so far ahead. Take care of yourself too. You have friends here who are going to support you..........

Incog

Thank you Incog. I find comfort and strength in your words.

Much love,
Ann

Back at you, my friend.

Ann,
I too struggle with Bi-Polar in the family. My father is diagnosed Bipolar and my husband cycles pretty much like clockwork every 18-20 months. However, he refuses to get help for it. I can relate to your fears about coming home. When DH is in the depressed stage, I hate to leave him alone for any reason.

I can also relate to your fears for your child. BiPolar is just one of the labels that they keep throwing around to try to explain DS's behaviors.

I can't imagine trying to balance the needs of DH, my son and going to law school! You are amazing None of your posts came across as whining. They are completely understandable posts for support and information. Keep posing and let us know how all of you are doing and if there is anything we can do to help!

The best thing about his board is the supportive nature!

I can relate to that cycle guys.....in relation to MIL, at least it is predictable.....somewhat of a comfort. MIL has been mad as the dickens at us for whatever idea she had been convinced was the most crucial think in the world a month or so again.
Now........the silent treatment.
But, as in years past, I will look forward to her calling 3 to 4 days before Easter, demanding that we spend it with her and act as if she didn't just say the most terrible things to us.
My DH does not have bi-polar, but is left with a mild cycling mood disorder. Who knows if it's genetic or conditioning. I know his childhood was less than perfect as a result of MIL's illness.
"Managing the cycle" get's tiring, doesn't it?

I

OH BTW, as I understand it, there is a commonality between bipolar and high intelligence. Sorry to hear your son is being "misdiagnosed" at school''

I

OHGrandma,
Thank you for the link on Sleep. I have learned to recognize when DH is changing cycles by his sleep patterns. Also, when his sleep schedule changes so does his eating pattern. In fact, I've had a bit of luck in seeing that his sleep pattern is changing and calling him on it. If he is able to get his sleep pattern back to "normal" it seems to lessen the extremes of the cycle.

It was reassuring to read that research is backing up my intuition

Ann, I just wanted to tell you to take heart. A good friend of my family has bipolar & unfortunately doesn't respond to meds. He and his family have been in tough spots similar to your own family's situation. Although he has struggled in the past, he now has a stellar career and is very highly respected. So - things can turn around and I hope they do for you and your DH!

I'll look around for what book rec's I can find, but I haven't done a lot of reading on this topic recently and in my household we only get down cycles. The sleep connection is a very strong one for me - I can recognize when I'm headed down by my disrupted sleep and can sometimes stop things - or at least I know to call in help. Also, if my sleep becomes disrupted for too long then there will be mood issues to deal with, so the causality seems to go both ways.

Incog, Elh, and Kcab – thank you for writing. Your personal experiences help me feel more informed; similar to our discussions about our kids. I value my connection with each of you. I’d write more, but my head hurts. I’m trying to remain calm and focused so that I can keep trudging ahead. {{{group hug!}}}

Oh Ann,
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's illness. I'm so glad you decided to reach out to us! Yippee! I think that when anyone has a family member who's life is in danger, that yes, they have it rough! Personally I think anyone who has to chase around a HG or HG+ kiddo has it rough, so that's my perspective - LOL!

I thought it was interesting your comment above. On some level his 'outward directed perfectionism' is crankiness and his illness talking, but on some other level, he is absolutly correct, and in a perfect world there would be some way for your husband to met with other who share both his disease and his intellectual backround.

examples: I see this when the school counselor comes around to teach the children some social skills in the early elementary grades. They have to teach really simple, and for DS it sends the wrong message. There is an article about it somewhere, on GT cyberSource, i think.

examples: Me, in my 20's sitting in a series of therapists offices going: I feel so different from my peer. What's wrong with me?

(LOL - you can guess they didn't say, well, your mind shows you more of a situation than most of the people around you, even your very high academically achieving friends. You feel like you know better, because you DO know better. Which is different from knowing everything, but you may as well face the situation squarely! You are also at an age where you don't have the experience to use your mind at it's peak effiency, which is always discomfting, but just has to be grown through.))

Instead we'd head off in various directions (sorry mom!) and try to find ways for me to 'fit in.' Now I'm litterally laughing out loud. ((Thanks to DS for getting me out of that cage!!))

So for me, I think that while it would be ideal for your husband to realise the need for him to get over his ODP (outer directed perfectionsim) and learn what there is to learn from his 'peers' for now and stay alive, I'm wondering if there is a way for your DH to interact with 'true peers' over the internet. Perhaps http://www.sengifted.org/ will know of a few 'recovering GT and BP' folks he can have as pen pals? Or your local GT resource? Or just printing this out and mailing it to his psychiatrist.

Anyway, ((prayers)) in your direction dear!
Love and More Love,
Grinity

I see that there is a 15 minute DVD avilible from SENG on this book now.

Ann,
I know just what you mean by the scattered. I'm so glad that you are getting support, and want to suggest an additional source of support that has helped me as the 'scattered' or 'sidetracked' family leader help both myself and my son, who really needs 'beauty and order' even more than the average kid.

I know that this isn't for everyone - nothing is, but I encourage you to go to this link, http://flylady.net/pages/begin_babysteps.asp
and just do what it says.

It will probably sound trivial and stupid. I think that's a great way for you to get insight into what 'group therapy' is like for your husband. Too often, we smart people don't like to 'just follow the directions and do it' until we are convinsed that the whole program 'makes sense.' I promise promise promise that I'm not asking you to do anything MORE than what you are doing already - using these method actually makes living easier and more fun.

If your husband's work environment contributed to his disease becoming active, than isn't it also perhaps true that an unusually orderly environment will contribute to his becoming more healthy? No, you aren't responsible for his disease or his recovery, there is really very little that you can actually do, but since you are the only one who can do the role of family organizer for your family right now - why not do it with support?

At the very least, if a friend comes over and offers to help out, you'll have some ideas of what to ask for! I often ask friends to sit with me while a 'go through' a pile of papers that feel overwhelming to me, or fold a pile of laundry, or wash a pile of dishes. Luckily I have many fewer piles these days, and I'm a much happier person. Growing up 'in my head' as I did, I seem to have missed some basic instruction in the 'art of living' that Flylady has taught me - one babystep at a time.

It's not a book, It's not (usually) about Bipolar or Gifted, but Flylady's website has sure helped me step up to the plate and take on the job of 'family organizer' which I always had anyway, even though I didn't volunteer for it.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

I'm not sure if this counts, but at 4:50am DS2 woke me up b/c he wanted to know why hard-boiled eggs don't hatch chicks.

>>nodding head<<

I would love for DH to correspond w/ someone, but (for now) he won't. Maybe he'll change his mind. I hope so. Thank you for giving me substance to take to his psychiatrist. I'll add it to "DH slept 13+ hours today."

Grinity how did you get so wise! I think we've all benefit from your experience. You must never leave us.

At your service- dear Ann! I think it's a combination between 'the shape of my mind' and years and years with these folks: http://rc.org/

Smiles,
Grinity

Oooh, Grinity... I just read the "About" page and I'm very intrigued. I'll have to read more and get back to you.

I second this. Flylady made a huge difference in my life. The whole idea of routine and working on things for 15 minutes is so simple and so powerful. It really works! It's a slow and steady process.