Ann, I just wanted to tell you to take heart. A good friend of my family has bipolar & unfortunately doesn't respond to meds. He and his family have been in tough spots similar to your own family's situation. Although he has struggled in the past, he now has a stellar career and is very highly respected. So - things can turn around and I hope they do for you and your DH!

I'll look around for what book rec's I can find, but I haven't done a lot of reading on this topic recently and in my household we only get down cycles. The sleep connection is a very strong one for me - I can recognize when I'm headed down by my disrupted sleep and can sometimes stop things - or at least I know to call in help. Also, if my sleep becomes disrupted for too long then there will be mood issues to deal with, so the causality seems to go both ways.

Incog, Elh, and Kcab – thank you for writing. Your personal experiences help me feel more informed; similar to our discussions about our kids. I value my connection with each of you. I’d write more, but my head hurts. I’m trying to remain calm and focused so that I can keep trudging ahead. {{{group hug!}}}

Oh Ann,
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's illness. I'm so glad you decided to reach out to us! Yippee! I think that when anyone has a family member who's life is in danger, that yes, they have it rough! Personally I think anyone who has to chase around a HG or HG+ kiddo has it rough, so that's my perspective - LOL!

I thought it was interesting your comment above. On some level his 'outward directed perfectionism' is crankiness and his illness talking, but on some other level, he is absolutly correct, and in a perfect world there would be some way for your husband to met with other who share both his disease and his intellectual backround.

examples: I see this when the school counselor comes around to teach the children some social skills in the early elementary grades. They have to teach really simple, and for DS it sends the wrong message. There is an article about it somewhere, on GT cyberSource, i think.

examples: Me, in my 20's sitting in a series of therapists offices going: I feel so different from my peer. What's wrong with me?

(LOL - you can guess they didn't say, well, your mind shows you more of a situation than most of the people around you, even your very high academically achieving friends. You feel like you know better, because you DO know better. Which is different from knowing everything, but you may as well face the situation squarely! You are also at an age where you don't have the experience to use your mind at it's peak effiency, which is always discomfting, but just has to be grown through.))

Instead we'd head off in various directions (sorry mom!) and try to find ways for me to 'fit in.' Now I'm litterally laughing out loud. ((Thanks to DS for getting me out of that cage!!))

So for me, I think that while it would be ideal for your husband to realise the need for him to get over his ODP (outer directed perfectionsim) and learn what there is to learn from his 'peers' for now and stay alive, I'm wondering if there is a way for your DH to interact with 'true peers' over the internet. Perhaps http://www.sengifted.org/ will know of a few 'recovering GT and BP' folks he can have as pen pals? Or your local GT resource? Or just printing this out and mailing it to his psychiatrist.

Anyway, ((prayers)) in your direction dear!
Love and More Love,
Grinity

I see that there is a 15 minute DVD avilible from SENG on this book now.

Ann,
I know just what you mean by the scattered. I'm so glad that you are getting support, and want to suggest an additional source of support that has helped me as the 'scattered' or 'sidetracked' family leader help both myself and my son, who really needs 'beauty and order' even more than the average kid.

I know that this isn't for everyone - nothing is, but I encourage you to go to this link, http://flylady.net/pages/begin_babysteps.asp
and just do what it says.

It will probably sound trivial and stupid. I think that's a great way for you to get insight into what 'group therapy' is like for your husband. Too often, we smart people don't like to 'just follow the directions and do it' until we are convinsed that the whole program 'makes sense.' I promise promise promise that I'm not asking you to do anything MORE than what you are doing already - using these method actually makes living easier and more fun.

If your husband's work environment contributed to his disease becoming active, than isn't it also perhaps true that an unusually orderly environment will contribute to his becoming more healthy? No, you aren't responsible for his disease or his recovery, there is really very little that you can actually do, but since you are the only one who can do the role of family organizer for your family right now - why not do it with support?

At the very least, if a friend comes over and offers to help out, you'll have some ideas of what to ask for! I often ask friends to sit with me while a 'go through' a pile of papers that feel overwhelming to me, or fold a pile of laundry, or wash a pile of dishes. Luckily I have many fewer piles these days, and I'm a much happier person. Growing up 'in my head' as I did, I seem to have missed some basic instruction in the 'art of living' that Flylady has taught me - one babystep at a time.

It's not a book, It's not (usually) about Bipolar or Gifted, but Flylady's website has sure helped me step up to the plate and take on the job of 'family organizer' which I always had anyway, even though I didn't volunteer for it.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

I'm not sure if this counts, but at 4:50am DS2 woke me up b/c he wanted to know why hard-boiled eggs don't hatch chicks.

>>nodding head<<

I would love for DH to correspond w/ someone, but (for now) he won't. Maybe he'll change his mind. I hope so. Thank you for giving me substance to take to his psychiatrist. I'll add it to "DH slept 13+ hours today."

Grinity how did you get so wise! I think we've all benefit from your experience. You must never leave us.

At your service- dear Ann! I think it's a combination between 'the shape of my mind' and years and years with these folks: http://rc.org/

Smiles,
Grinity

Oooh, Grinity... I just read the "About" page and I'm very intrigued. I'll have to read more and get back to you.

I second this. Flylady made a huge difference in my life. The whole idea of routine and working on things for 15 minutes is so simple and so powerful. It really works! It's a slow and steady process.