Very good words. Soemthing for me to think about!!

Our search for a baby-sitter began when DW was 3 mos pregnant. ( Imagine that!)

DS seemed fine there, but it turned into a fever swamp and he got sick a lot and then we got sick a lot. DW also started getting the heebie-jeebies about the next room for jr soo.. (Not Ideal thing!)

We finally found an in-house babysitter ( I hate using nanny because it sounds elitist ) whom DW and DS loves.

Plan is to start an afternoon enrichment program at a local day care when jr is 12 mos old. DS definately resonates with older kids - smiling back and forth when he meets them at outings - and watching them intently whenever he sees them. Infants bore him to no end and he ignores them.

This has turned into a more strident debate than the original nature/nurture.

My mother was a physician, though worked very little when we were small. But the message was always: you will be a doctor or a dentist, in the position of power. Thinking that I would head off to Wall Street wasn't on the radar of engineering/medical parents.

I always thought I would work and have a nanny, because how much care did an infant need? But circumstances were that we actually did a temp retirement (we were older and wanted a break and travel) and so I wasn't working. And my issues witha an infant that snacked and I had to pump at night to supplement made me so tired that I couldn't remember what day it was.

But it made me very aware of nanny care -- and I saw some good ones -- and involved mothers around me. I am not saying quantity, quality but now women have choices to be creative about their work, especially if gifted.

I have a friend who plays an instrument with the Met Opera and works from 8 pm. Now that her son is a teenager and she is not around, parenting is very hard and she is torn about having to work (single parent) and be there for her son as he deals with the teen years. Who would think about that when choosing a career that you would have to worry about your ability to be involved in the teen years?

What I see, is that many women, because we have gotten spoiled by being able to go to work and enjoy the fruits of money and independence before having a family is that they just don't want the tedious work of the hands-on part of a mom.

I think much of it is boring, dirty and a pain. And I would rather be getting "strokes" for being brilliant on some deal. But the pay off of those moments of seeing the effect of your "work" and feeling like an artist, that this child is flowering under your care, is (apologies to Mastercard) priceless.

And, I have found, that being HG myself, I can create new opportunities for myself at any point. And recreating my career is a cool challenge in itself.

I know some people must work for the financial need, but I also think you can make money any time and the investment in your chld is a once in a liftime opportunity.

My mother and the feminist movement allowed me to pursue a career that would give me power and opportunity for many choices, to be a mother and have a career.

Ren

I went to pick up my dd from a playdate with a friend from school. They have a new baby (about7 or 8 months). She is really cute and I started talking to the mom about her daughter. The question of sleep came up and when I asked her if her baby slept thru the night already her response was a surprised "I don't know. I close my door when I go to sleep. (name of nanny) takes care of her." They have a sitter for the daytime, an overnight sitter and a weekend sitter (they have many social events to attend). The kids hardly ever see their parents.

That's quite a different take on my very similar response for DS, my third...

"I don't know, but I started sleeping through at about 5 weeks..."

That was the situation for my father. The nanny was really what most people would consider "mother".
I think the general consensus in my family 2 generations later is that it's not so great.



Ren, acquiring a postion on Wall Street IS a position of power in it's own right.



You said it and I feel the same some days! It does get better and the attaboy just comes later in life. It gets easier as they get older, at least, that part of it.

I like the art analogy. The work itself is often very messy.

I chose a very visible path on Wall Street and it had power. I was 23 the first time I was on national television talking about some industry as an "expert". And I love my work, it suits me, but it is unstable. Nature of the beast.

Now that I share my life (in a different way) with a physician, who as a group are risk averse, I have a good balance and normalcy that I offer my child.

I think the biggest factor between myself and some of my peers that have children and nannies wedged in the middle, is that I like my child. I really like her. I am not talking about loving her, most people love their kids, but many do not like their kids.

Ren

PS. Thanks Austin for the whole quote, I was going to respond to the one above that isolated the part that was a pain. Part of which is atributable to me becoming OCD when it comes to DD's environment and the food she eats etc.

That makes me profoundly sad for some reason. I know what you mean and I wish that all parents liked their children.

I sure like mine (as well as love him to pieces). After staying home for the first 18 months of his life, I can tell you that I enjoy my career. I realized fully how much I enjoyed working when I was at home. I feel like I am a better mother, because I am a happier person.

Nature v nurture. I certainly have considered that a lot when pondering the wonderful oddball that is my son. And I have come to the expert conclusion (ahem) that it's a combination of both. My husband and I are both bright, however I suspect that my DS will be more intelligent than either one of us. And taller too. Hmmm.

But I also think that how we are parenting and some of the conscious decisions we are making about his environment are making a difference as well. And I suppose that "nurture" piece is what muddies the GT waters. Many parents provide outstanding environments for their children. And I'm sure that many of those children start school ahead of the game, so to speak. But I think that's where the "nature" piece must kick in and delineation between "bright" and HG/PG comes into play.

It will interesting to see what happens with my DS when he starts school.

Absolutely the point I was trying to get at! Well put.

Squirt. Thank you for that first post. While I still think nature may have a long term lead ... I've never thought I did much special for my kids... but take them places (zoo and musuems etc.) 3-5 times a week until they started school. Your post felt like a warm fuzzy pat on the back that all that time was more than just fun for me to be out of the house. Thank you. Of course, schooling may now suck those brains out of them but ;-) For now let's just focus on... thanks. I give them a LOT of boxes to be filled. Thanks.