I belong to a very dynamic homeschool group with over 200 families on the mailing list. We have monthly or bimonthly events such as board game day, gym day, and craft day in the fall and winter, park and beach days in the spring and summer, and parent support meetings. There are also annual events such as the science fair, International Day, National Day, Prom, etc. And then there are all kinds of short term classes, one time only activities, field trips, speakers, To say we are an active bunch is an understatement.

So, where does the crazy part come in? Well, my dear friend S, who founded the group about ten years ago, is ready to retire. Her only remaining homeschooler is a teen, and she is ready for a less demanding role. Guess who she has asked to replace her? I feel very honored to have her trust and good faith, and I would like to step up and take the position. BUT... I am horribly disorganized, great at short term projects but not long term, I am not half as diplomatic as S, and I worry that I might damage the group. On top of this, DH is worried about legal ramifications of I am the leader and anything bad happens (a bad fall, allergic reaction, etc.) and the amount of time running the group will take when I am already a busy person.

I have considered asking a friend to share the job, and I am aware of the benefits of delegation, but having this handed to me makes ME feels like the ultimately responsible one. I do have a call in to a homeschool lawyer, so I will find out if there is some easy way to CMA. I think about how quiet and peaceful my life might be if I didn't have to jump in and get involved in so many things, but I must enjoy it, or I wouldn't keep doing it, right?

So what do you think?

I think you should have a partner for the job. Having a particular individual, or a few people, you can split the work with and who you don't want to let down might help you keep going. At least, that's what I've found. I wouldn't pick only on the basis of friendship - find someone you like but who has skills which complement yours.

How does S handle the legal/insurance issues?

I vote for crazy!

Just kidding of course. To me it sounds absolutely horrible but then I'm not as much of a people person as you must be, nor am I apparently as active. I retired last year and had all these plans about things I was going to do and I have to admit I've spent a fair amount of time sitting on the front porch watching the hummingbirds (when there's no snow). After 20 years of a full-time career, I didn't realize how much I would enjoy doing nothing.

I think if you are actually considering this then you must be up for the challenge. Anyway to try a trial run before your friend calls it quits?

I agree with kcab. It sounds like a partner you like and trust would be the best way to go. I think you can find a boilerplate waiver somewhere that releases you from any liability.

Neato

I vote for! The fact that you are bringing it up means something...

Our HS group leader is probably going to be stepping out of the leader shoes in a year or three, and a couple of parents in the group have already started talking about a replacement (a good sign of a healthy group, I think!). One person asked if I would consider taking up the reins and I responded with a resounding NO! But I'm with CFK: I'm not extroverted nor diplomatic enough to think that I could lead such a group without killing it. Besides, I'm INTJ, so I don't want to take the lead unless no one else appears to be capable.

However, I think YOU would make an excellent choice! You seem much more politic and personable than I am!

As for your lawsuit potential...I used to work in risk management, so I know a little bit about how to protect yourself. (Though I'm not an expert and you should remember that my advice is worth exactly what you paid me for it...)

If your position is a voluntary one and everyone signs a standard *hold-harmless agreement* that says they won't hold you or the group responsible for injuries occuring during group functions--and that's standard practice--you'll be pretty safe.

A hold-harmless agreement offers reasonably broad protection from lawsuits, especially for someone who is unpaid, uses common sense, and is just trying to give kids more opportunities for learning. Just remember that there's no risky activities like mountain climbing or skydiving allowed (or perhaps even horseback riding), you must ensure that kids have suitable adult guidance, and if sued you'd still have all the hassle and cost of defending yourself. There's no way to protect yourself from nuisance suits, I'm afraid.

Here's what a hold-harmless looks like--some are more filled with legalese than others. They don't have to be so foreign sounding! I think the first one is probably the most like what you'd want...

http://groups.northwestern.edu/outing/documents/trip_waiver.doc

https://esign.wwu.edu/admcs/process/forms/Campus%20Rec/risk_waiv.aspx?valid=true

https://www.legaldocs.com/htsgif.d/xholdhar.htm

Let us know if we ought to start calling you Madam President!

Is there a way to divide the work/events even more?

You are definitely a good choice for the lead position, but may want to consider a committee with specific areas of responsibility.

Thanks all, for the great feedback. I am still waiting to talk to the lawyer about the legal ramifications. The current leader has not done anything to cover herself. We don't have membership dues or paperwork or anything, so maybe she figures it isn't a "real" group and she cannot be held liable. I think that's a mistake.

Kriston, I appreciate the legal info you provided. I'm not sure if that's enough to please DH, but i will run it by him.

Spent four hours working a Boy Scout flower sale for Mother's day today, and the leaders are trying to talk me into volunteering there. Argh... why is it so hard for me to say no? I did, but I felt extremely guilty about it!

thank you-

Happy to share one of the few truly useful things I know.

It might also help to remind your DH that there are people volunteering to fill such positions all over the country every day, and 99.99% of them do not EVER get sued. A hold harmless agreement, good adult supervision of kids, and a little common sense protects you from darn near all exposure.

Think about if you were on a jury. What would it take for you to find against someone in those particular group-leading shoes? Pretty obviously heinous and irresponsible behavior, right? So just don't do that and you'll be fine.

(Plus have everybody sign the hold harmless! I think the current leader's laissez faire attitude is a mistake, too, FWIW.)

Let us know what you decide. I'm watching with interest!

Hi Lorel,
Happy Mother's Day!
This is a tricky one. I don't encourage you to take it on.
Partially due to the 'wanna-be but never-was' LLL leader inside of me. You have a lot of little people depending on you.
Partially because of the statement above.

Here's what I think!
1) Is there anyone else who could do this work? For a mom of a singleton, having an engaging hobby besides the only child might be a real blessing.
2) Is there a way you could break up the work into significant, independently working parts, that you could take on one of? Since the group has always been casuall, perhaps it doesn't need one overall leader, rather someone willing to organize a 'Yahoo Group' way to share the information, and a lot of someones willing to organise the various events?
3) Is the current leader willing to stay and do it one more year, allowing you and a few others to be trained throughout a whole cycle? It's hard to imagine something that 'single-person-developed' surviving without a long, long, transition period. You know how long it takes you to teach one of your kids to take on a new level of responsibility? It's no different for grown-ups. Would you bring one of your kids into the kitchen and say, "I thought you should cook dinner tonight. I'll be availible for any advice you need." I doubt it.



Love and More Love,
Grinity

Hi Lorel,

While it's so cool, interesting, fun, etc. to be involved with something you believe in and that your children take part in, I have found it's not much fun to do it alone and be responsible for everything. Then it becomes burdensome. It sounds like your association is excellent, so I would assess the 200-some "members" in terms of who else will help. Are many of them on their way out like the former leader? Are they burned out, or are there a lot of newcomers with enthusiasm & energy. Now would be the time to set up a reorganization meeting (not once you've tried it and found it to be overwhelming). Committees should be set up, with clear responsibilities. A leader doesn't do all the work, but facilitates. If you take it on, realize it will impact your time, family, other commitments. Make sure others in the group are going to help and that it's important to you.

I work with one other woman in our local gifted association. We do almost everything, and I definitely wouldn't do any of it if she weren't doing it. I think it's very important work (advocacy with the State, district, gifted department, speakers for our meetings, newsletters, science festival coordination, etc.). And there's so much more that could be done (Math Club, Spelling Bee, National History Day, etc.), but we cannot do it ourselves. Even though parents of gifted students (similar to parents of homeschoolers) are usually a very active group, no one helps and some have petty peeves IMO.

Good luck with your decision.
Cym

Ditto on the petty peeves. I seriously cannot get a parent who wants to spend time complaining about a volunteer, but can't find the time to do any of the work themselves.

Our homeschool group has one unusual rule (at least in my experience): petty griping behind the back of the organizer for an event is strictly forbidden. I mean strictly. Like you get one warning and then you're out of the group. If you have a problem, you are required to address it with the person handling things. Period. If it's not a serious enough issue to talk to the planner about it, then it's not serious enough to talk about behind her back.

That and the strict RSVP rule (also one warning and out if you break it) are really the only two rules, but they're good ones. I strongly suspect that they're the reason our group is extremely kind to one another and yet still runs like a German clock!

Of course, I am an INTJ/Spock on the Meyers-Briggs personality test, so I WOULD like rules like those...

Those sound like pretty reasonable rules to me. It's sad the first rule needs to exist in the first place. Isn't that just good old common sense and courtesy?

LOL! Yup.

Actually the RSVP rule is courtesy, too. But having courtesy codified and punishable by removal from the group seems to help a lot with making it actually happen. I've been in too many groups that allow/encourage rudeness and petty nonsense. I like that this group makes it clear upfront that it just won't be tolerated.

Lorel,

My first thought was that if you have to ask, it's probably not the right time for you to take this on. Then, I read your post about the boy scout thing taking 4 hours and I think you've got your hands full.

It sounds to me like the group needs to formally organize, with that many people and with the "leader" leaving. Perhaps you could suggest to her that she consider this as her parting gift and that you'd help. Once the group was organized, with a board, you might be able to be the president and rely on others for other duties.

So, I guess that's a vote for "no, not crazy, but close!". Know, though, that we're here to support you whatever you decide.

Not to hijack Lorel's thread, here, but I'm facing a similar dilemma. DD6 is being zoned to a brand new elementary school next year and I've been nominated as PTA president for the school's first year. No one else was nominated for this office, probably because no one really wants it. I'm an INFJ; does this mean I shouldn't do it? Actually, I can think of a lot of reasons why I shouldn't do it. But I'd never really thought of the whole INFJ thing as being an issue. I haven't thought about that label in years! I'm intrigued. Kriston, please tell me more!

Lorel, I totally agree with everyone who has recommended that you not do this alone. There's no way I would even be considering taking on the role of PTA president if it weren't for the fact that I truly trust the person who will likely be the VP. We look at it as being a team effort except I will run the meetings and speak publicly, which I don't really mind doing. The team approach is the only way I could still feel like I will have something left over for my own 3 kids, and I'm not even homeschooling! Good luck to you as you make this decision!

Thanks, friends, for all the helpful insight. There's no way I could manage to do as much as S did solo, but I am not beating myself up over it. She is one in a million and has grown the group from scratch, gradually adding new activities as the group has enlarged. I realize that I would have to have help. I just talked to her about sitting down together to write out all the things she does and then I can try to chop it into smaller bits that I can assign or request volunteers to fill. The parents in this group are very helpful and I don't think there will be any problem filling posts. It's not like cub scouts, where every year we'd beg and plead for helpers and the same half dozen people would always end up doing all the work.

My heart tells me that I want to give it a try. But I am also trying to listen to my head, which is something I often neglect to do! I'll let you know how things progress.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll be great. Too bad we don't live closer. We'd definitely join and help out.

I'm glad you're taking it on and getting help. I know lots of people would disagree, but I think you're making a good choice. Maybe because I rely so heavily on my homeschool group, I know how wonderful and important a good group is. Frankly, if I were asked by the current leader to step up, as you were, then I'm not sure I would actually say no. I'd worry that I would be a bad choice and I'd screw things up, but I wouldn't--couldn't!--let the group die. It's not like scouting or coaching soccer teams or any of those other activities. It's a vital lifeline for homeschooling families. A good HSing group makes HSing work.

I think you'll make an excellent leader, and I think you made a good choice.