How many of us are occasionally mean to our family in ways we'd never never be to others? If we can't let our real frustrations and anger be know to family, who can we express it to? I am guilty of it (and not proud). I'll melt down sometimes, but not in public. Isn't this the same that kids are doing. Maybe we need to train ourselves to remove ourselves before/at the onset of tantrum (go lie down or blog on the computer for a half hour to collect ourselves).

A friend read an article to me about how polite we are to strangers we accidently bump into compared to when we bump into a family member in the kitchen.

Well, kids are a different proposition entirely, they're still learning. As adults I think it's wise to think about how we treat our closest people. My husband has a habit of "letting go" on me since he couldn't possibly be unprofessional at work. I've asked him: "Would you ever say that/act that way towards one of your collegues or employees? Of course he always says no. "Wow, It's good to know you value someone you barely know over your wife". It usually gets the point across. I don't get why you would treat a loved one badly, just because you know they won't ditch you if you did. Doesn't knowing that make it less likely that you would take them for granted?

I totally agree in principle, incog. Maybe it's more of a communication problem where we need to "use our words" to express our frustration, exhaustion, or whatever, rather than let it build up and then discombobulate (is that even a word?). You're right--our loved ones deserve better, but I don't know anyone who doesn't have this problem (being harsher to family than strangers), at least sometimes.

One speaker at a gifted conference advised the audience that we should treat our children as we would our dear adult friend. She used the example of the friend coming over to tea and she accidentally spilled the tea Twice! To the kid we might flare in anger and say they need to be more careful--go get a towel to clean it up! To the dear adult friend we would probably say something like "You're a little off today, honey" while we mopped it up. I don't know it that's completely relevant to this thread, but I loved that part of her speech.

I don't think I agree with this. I don't think there's much point in flying off the handle, but I would definitely ask my kids to clean up after themselves. I would not ask that of a guest.

I really think gifted kids (at least mine) are more "difficult" than ND in that they want to boss everyone around (from very young age--ask my 6 yr old), think they know more than others (sometimes they do!), are frustrated or impatient, don't want to go through the courtesy/polite behavior as much as accomplish their goals. It is definitely harder to deal with HG kids--ask any teacher who has had them. They are not naturally compliant (in general).

I think the speaker's point was would we respond the same way (I definitely would have a stern voice to the child and not to the adult). She was saying that gifted kids are anachronistic, so treating them as an adult in some ways would help them.

I agree with Cathy in that we should respond to children differently than to adults. Our response to a child should be instructive. We need to ensure that the child understands why the drink was spilt, how to prevent it in the future, and how to properly respond to the situation (cleaning up the mess). What is often lacking is the respectful tone that we use with other adults.

The difficulty in responding to GT kids is that you are never quite certain of the mental age of the child at any given moment since it can fluctuate by about a decade in the span of two minutes.

I hear that, TS!!!

Yes, gifted kids can be adult-like in some ways. But they are not mini-adults. I do agree that family members should treat each other with respect. However, I don't think we should treat our young children as adult friends.