I think this is a pretty interesting statement. I agree wholeheartedly with the assertion that negative/positive feedback shapes us, particularly when we are young.
But not just parental feedback. Teachers, friends, neighbors, distant relatives even strangers.
Highly perceptive kids are even that much more succeptable to even the most subtle feedback. As a parent, it's a good thing to be aware of.
That being said, I'm guessing it's impossible to control for all situations and make sure all feedback is constructive and positive; from us or anyone else.
I'm really trying to promote good self esteem and a stong sense of self for them. Hopefully they will be able to better sort said feedback and figure out what to accept and what to throw out.
As a mom, I sometimes feel guilty that I don't work outside the home. I had a part time job and was very happy at the time. I felt like I had the best of both worlds and took some pride in feeling like I was setting a good example for my daughters. Unfortunately, the job moved into the city and I couldn't justify the cost(commute time and $) for the part time postition so it came to an end.
Hopefully they will understand that the feminist movement provides for options and choices, that they should not be told what they cannot do based on their gender. They should not be told that they cannot stay home with their children, or they set the women's movement back 100 years. That they should not be told they cannot balance a professional schedule, or either the job or the child will suffer. These proposed outcomes don't have anything to do with straight gender. It's all about their personal decisions and then, how they indvidually carry out those decisions.

Hi Austin,
Welcome.
Thanks for posting over the last few days - I think it helps us Moms who think we 'must' be crazy to fight so hard over 'nothing' remember that this isn't 'nothing.'

Kriston, Chris, and Cym - please don't turn this into a 'is anything less than a person doing the primary parenting turning their entire lives over to parenting equal to neglect?' argument. I'm sure no one is suggesting thata female parent 'having outside interests' is neglect. Afterall, there are many neglectful parents who don't have any outside interests - they just stare at the TV while neglecting their children.

My guess is that raising a PGlet is going to be challenging to any single adult or group of adults. Some of us rise to the challenge, and some done. Sometimes we do a lot and find that it still isn't enough. Thoughfully raising any child is a really big challenge, and depending on the personality of the kid in question, a HG or PG kid can be extra tough to raise. And we all know that lots of needs that ND children get met through teachers and agemates become thrown back to Mom or Dad when the child is gifted. Also, I can report that no matter how much one gives of themselves, there will be at least some moments when a child feels misunderstood and alone if that is their character.

Will we be able to raise our Gifted Daughters to negotiate the balancing act? Will we be able to raise our Gifted Sons to be active and thoughtful Fathers and Husbands? Will we be able to change society enought to allow our children to grow into the people they were meant to be? We will have to wait and see, won't we?

My wish for all of us is to 'play the hand we were dealt' with kindness and joy. We won't all make the same decisions as each other, we won't all fail or suceed at the same challenges, but if we keep each other close I think we will all do a better job than if we hide out alone.

Great Big Smiles,
Grinity

Well said! Good to see you around!

Grinity: YES!!!!! What she said!

Grinity, I love the way you look at things - you always make me think. Glad to see you back too!!!

Balancing childrens' and one's own needs is a topic in itself.

Ironically, from a Feminist perspective, my DM's ( and MGM) bad judgements had nothing to do with being independent or being smart or being a woman or her ideals, but with who she was. In the end she dealt with problems at home by avoiding them and focusing on other things where she had more control and could measure the results. It was not a choice at all. I sometimes think their success in some areas was related to avoiding it in others.

This is a fault and a trap that is very human. Neglect has many causes. Burying oneself in work is just one.

Men are mostly exempt from the innate emotional sensitivity to there being a conflict. I know that it does not bother me that I have a career and a son. I just give him 100% attention when I am home. My DW, OTOH, feels guilty that she is not there all the time. (Maybe I am just avoiding worrying about it!!)

You are welcome. So many memories are flooding back now that I have my son.

Though I do not dwell on it, there were times that I wondered what I would have been had things been different. I see that its a tradeoff.

Although my mom neglected me, she did recognize and nuture my mind. My DF's side of the family did not. The latter was MUCH worse than the former. For me, neglect with some guidance, was less stifling and more powerful than being loved, but controlled.

That book, Emergence, by David Palmer, touched on this briefly. The adopted parents would (deliberately) hide books from the protagonist. She had to struggle to seek things out. This feedback made the difference.

Poor DW, I hope she gives herself a break!!!

I wonder if the difference in perspective concerning working and parenting is based on temperment/personality or gender?

I wonder if it's possible to ever know for sure.

One things for sure, guilt doesn't seem to be a very productive emotion, especially when it's unduly aggrandized!

I have also enjoyed being involved in my children's education and learning with them. There are many topics and subjects they want to explore, which I never had the opportunity to learn. It brings me joy to give them opportunities I did not have. I learned long ago that I love to learn and I am glad that my children have the same passion.

That's for sure!



We'll never know! Perhaps in an ideal world, a person like your mom would have found a nurturing spouse who could have supported her to be out in the world without saddling her with the responsibility of being 'in charge' of meeting the need of your and DS, and in doing so, allowed her to have great success outside the home and share a bit more of herself with you. Maybe she was responding in part to her own experience as a child who liked freedom and respect better than control. Remember that for some gifted people, if they can't do it perfectly, then they find life very very stressful, compared to ND folks who have more slack for the normal highs and lows of life.



Not sure if this is helpful to say, but you know, when I spend 30 minutes mowing the lawn, I feel like a hero - totally enjoying the outside, and I do that about once a summer when the mood hits. My DH, OTOH, goes out weekly with grim determination. I tell him all the time that he should just let the grass go this week if he doesn't feel like it, because it's not really that long. (I don't really tell him all the time, but he just has to look at my face to know that that's what I'm thinking.) I don't know how we fell into the 'he's in charge of the outside of the house, and I'm in charge of the inside of the house' bit, but we have. My hunch is that women only feel guilty when they actually think that something isn't ideal. So my advice isn't to encourage her to feel less guilty, but to just check, and ask her, in an ideal world, what does she think would be best for your son? In otherwords, if your wife has a greater sensitivity to things emotional, use her as a 'canary in a coal mine,' yes? I read in a book somewhere that whenever a couple had a difference in perceptions they should start the conversation with "Yippee - we have a difference" because it allows them to be greater than the sum of the parts.

BTW - My son was in daycare part time from 7 weeks of age. I didn't feel guilty, but I did feel mornful of missing those hours of his life. I could almost feel the chemicals in my body missing him. 11 years later we are close when we are together, but I feel quite comfortable giving him lots of independence. What I didn't know then, and I do now, is that HG kids can feel quite uncomfortable with agemates even at as young as a year old. I hope that wherever you son is during the day, he is in a multiage group with lots of older kids to interact with.

Love and More Love,
Grinity









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