We have asked for a meeting with school and now it is scheduled. Yikes! As shy parents, we often think about having meetings, but rarely do as the issues just don't seem that important when the time comes to actually schedule a meeting. But this time the issues stayed, so we are doing it.
We have never met with anyone other than the teacher. Even though the principal last year invited us personally to meet about dd skipping, we declined. So here we are. We have a list if issues. Not sure how to present them.

Do we say, these were problems last year, how do we avoid them this year? (ex: stayed in easy math class way too long til behaviors became issue, child did not progress in spelling and was never corrected, but instead given compliments)

Do we say all these things were good last year, how do we keep them - and hope that the line of thinking gives us a good teacher that solves all of last year's problems without us needing to mention them? (ex:child enjoyed math time in the top group, and had no problem with the multiple choice approach to reading questions, is learning a lot over the summer so might be ready to do more difficult work, etc)

Do we say, these are some concrete things we want: More frequent re-evaluation of placement, dotted lines on the writing paper, etc.

My guess is that there's no one right way to approach things as it probably depends on our perspective as well as the school's, but I know y'all have had a lot of experience with these education people and any advice, or confidence building would be appreciated.

Also, FWIW, dd is 6, skipped K and was not challenged in first. Tends to be highly active and creative, and misbehaves due to "too much energy" -though has never gotten in trouble in school. Ds is 8, laid back, and doesn't really care if anybody likes his schoolwork. If he finds something useful in what you are teaching, fine. If not, he will quietly tolerate you (turn in blank papers too!). Nobody knows how full of facts this child is, and when he shares something, they are shocked. The reaction puts him deeper in his shell.

Basically, we want the kids to enjoy learning. We figure it doesn't matter if they are learning to their potential as much as it matters that they develop a life long love for learning. Most of life's learning is self directed anyway, and that's the skill we are looking for. We love our school and the teachers and the flexibility they have shown, but see some things on the horizon that we'd regret not dealing with ahead of time.
So, what should we do? Cancel the meeting? You're right, it's not that important anyway.

lol, Master of None

I despise confrontation and until some really awfull things happened at school for my son, I avoided meetings with the school. Now, while I still hate confrontation, I am proactive in trying to head off problems before they reach critical mass.

I think you should have the meeting with the school and perhaps present your thoughts in a this is what we experienced last year. These are things we would like to see happen this year. How can we work together to make this happen.

Make a list of the concerns you have from last year as well as a wish list of things you would like to see for the next term. Try to prioritize them and make the top items your biggest concerns.

Talking about the emotional impact of your concerns on your child sometimes works better than a whole lot of empirical data (although the data helps too). If you have private test results have them with you. If possible see if the Psych will attend the meeting with you as well.

Personally, I've had decent results using the let's work together approach before the problems get out of hand than trying to get academic changes when the school only sees behavior issues.

Good luck and keep us posted

I would not stress IQ scores too much, but would emphasize strong achievement test scores, especially individual tests or above level tests.

Bring examples of self initiated projects that your children do in addition to (or instead of) assigned class work!

Now is a great time (k-4th) for a grade skip! We wish we had been offered one more for our son when he was still young.

Also keeping in mind that the teacher's/school's goals are not the same as yours can be helpful in thinking about how to frame things.

They are worried about kids performance in general, test scores, workload, classroom management, etc. You are worried about one child. Sometimes those two sets of priorities line up, but not always.

Anything you can do to present your issues and ideas in a way that supports the school's/teacher's list of priorities, rather than as asking for special treatment that will detract from their reaching their goals, the more likely you are to get the help your child needs.

IMHO, meetings can be good. It lets you know where the school is, and it should be a place to voice your concerns. We have tried to have concreat things we wanted, advanced math is an example. We have also brought in proof of where DS5 was at before we asked for what we wanted. We als worked in colaboration with the school, it was a team effort which included us working with him at home. Teaching them to teach themselves is one of the best ways to develop life long learners. Also indulging their passions and letting them explore them to the depth they want, also helps. We expose DS5 to things and go into more deph as needed. We cast a wide net and then go deep when needed. Im rambling, before you go decide what you want, ask for it, and try to back it up with why you want it, and try to show what they are doing. It's all a process, not a final goal.

LOL, you sound like me, MON, at the end of your post. But I think it would be good to go through with the meeting. Remember, it doesn't have to be the end-all and be-all meeting, you are allowed to have another one. Sometimes it's best to cover a few specific things and also establish the relationship.

Agree with everything above.
I guess one way to look at is this: If your children were BEHIND to the extent that they are AHEAD, would you be scheduling a meeting?
Actually, probably not, the school would have already called you to discuss it.

I find this comment pretty troubling:

Nobody knows how full of facts this child is, and when he shares something, they are shocked. The reaction puts him deeper in his shell.

Especially: The reaction puts him deeper in his shell.

Just that is a valid reason to pursue this, IMHO.

Oooooh! That's very wise, 'Neato! Really, that's an extremely smart way to think about it to get past that "Am I nuts or whiny or wrong?" feeling that we parents of HG+ kids so often get.

Brilliant!

Thanks for the comments/support/advice. We have written a sort of game plan.
We will say what worked and thank them for that, say what might have made things better, and then say what our concerns are for the upcoming year. Then see if school can offer solutions. If not, we have our own specific suggestions ready to ask for.
When I hear edu-speak, refocus the topic. It's not about educational philosophy, it's about my kids thriving.
When I hear judgement, refocus the topic. It's not about me or my parenting, it's about the kids thriving at school.
Those are my two major goals and traps I can fall into.

I'll report back when we are done.

May the force be with you