It's hard to be detached when your children are in a state of distress. I also think Gratified3 gives good advice. The richness of his social life may be related to his intellectual precociousness, since it's well documented that kids like this very often have difficulty finding friends.

Even so, it seems that you might be able to make this a 'teachable moment' by framing discussion with him on this subject in terms of thinking through what he values in life (e.g., going out more) and the kinds of skills and actions that will help him get those things. If social connections are a key part of getting to his priorities, he will help himself in the long run by putting some of his mental energy into developing his skills in this area. You can be his ally in this endeavor.

If it's any consolation, I have a nephew (by marriage) who tantrumed frighteningly and inappropriately well into his teens. He is now in his second year in college and has been drafted into an innovative math research fellowship program which covers tuition and a $10,000/year grant for research. I would say that the passion that makes our children hard to handle in may cases also makes them strive harder, and is essential to their long-term survival as creative thinkers and innovators.

(End of sermon).

Thank you for ALL the wonderful advice!!! I am grateful, and take all your thoughts to heart. I do have to comment though after Fitzi's post, lest anyone think he's throwing himself on the floor kicking and screaming at age 9, LOL! He hasn't done that since he was 2, and I'd chase him around the house trying to capture his "fit" on film (screaming "Don't say Cheese Mom!" like something out of "The Exorcist").

Anyway, his "tantrum" was more sullenness and slamming his door, and choosing not to speak to anyone until I forced the issue. I still deem it "inappropriate", but I guess it was also "socially acceptable", LOL! Here's hoping he can still reap those long term benefits, .

BTW, at 9, some boys (and many girls) are getting some surges of adolescent hormone. That sounds like a good teen tantrum to me. With DS about to turn 13, we are getting a lot of them now, but they stared to rear their heads right around 10.

I'm DOK over the Lego Camp AND the normal ups and downs of life with siblings. As the Mom of an only, but sister to three, I really am jealous of families where it's just natural that someone else is shining today.



I remember that at age 9, DS12 was starting to have some early hormonal changes that made me wonder if the best of all possible worlds was to be a little 'not interested' socially before age 9, so that one can really enjoy stuffing their mind and be indiferent to the ages and interests of the kids around them, and then ride that wave of hormone-induced interest in socializing. I'm not saying that DS12 was interested in Girls at age 9, just that in my mind, being more interested in peers is a part of the hormonal ride.

I know that there are as many different ways to grow as there are children, but it was just a thought. For whatever reason, Celebrate that your son didn't much care for long enough to get him where he needed to be academically, AND Celebrate that now he is showing more of an interest in peers! Best of both worlds, YWIM?

Strap in, Dear! Rampant Emotionalism Ahead!
Grins,
Grinity

Dottie:

I hope I did not cast aspersions on your son by implication! My nephew used to go into his room and throw things - as I said - well into his teens. He was never threatening, but the intensity was alarming. You could hardly hope to meet a more pleasant, well-mannered young man now.

I just wanted to clarify to make sure, ! I'm glad your nephew got it all out of his system. My brother was a little intense like that, but I'm not sure he's completely over it just yet, .

Eeek Grinity/Acs, we have enough "RE" already in this house in DD11! DH will definitely be clueless if the boy starts in on it too.

Thanks for the post Dottie. This was interesting from many perspectives. Of course, when hormones start emerging here, I am still thinking those two words: convent, Spain.

Living in NYC, social interactions start as a To Do list very early, but I think I have just been very aggressive about socializing DD since birth, because I was such an older parent and didn't have a natural social group with children.

Now, I do not know if it was aggressive patterning, or genes, but DD is the ultrsocialite at 3. Luckily her BFF has a mother in the older category and we are doing family playdates and such. Even inviting them for a weekend at the beach.

What I notice is that DD feels very comfortable seeking slightly older playmates, if available. She also asks me to set social interactions up, like sleepovers. We do not have the convenient build in family that allows that early, hence the family playdate invitation at the beach.

I feel like I am rambling, but posting for others in my situation. With an only child, no family close by, I notice that it is easy to fall into casual social interactions and hard to teach long term more bonding relationships. It takes serious work from my end.

Ren

When my 10 yr old son starts to feel like he hasn't had enough time with friends and life isn't fair, we plan a party.

My son is in charge of making a list of snacks and he somehow remembers his friend's favorite snacks at the last party and he makes sure that we have enough variety so that all of his friends, especially the ones with food allergies, are happy.

I think one reason his friends like coming over is that we have an XBox in the guest room, a PS3 and a Wii in the family room, and a PS2 with Guitar Hero in his bedroom. In our computer room we have electric guitars and of course the computers, so if they get tired of doing something, they can find something else fun to play.

We are often asked by his friends when the next party will be. One of them told us that we had a really fun house and he told my son that he is lucky to be the only child at home when my son had been feeling kind of sad that he didn't have any brothers or sisters to play with and he is homeschooled and it wasn't fair that he was born with a mild disability that makes it impossible for him to play the sports that most of the kids around here play. My son felt really good that his friend actually thought he was lucky.

The kids don't spend the entire time playing games when they are here. I hang out in the kitchen with the snacks and these kids will even sit down and talk to me for a while because, like my son, they like to talk to adults. One of them always tells me about the book he is currently reading. They are really good kids, all in GT at public school, and good friends for my son. They understand and like his sense of humor.

I think it is time for us to plan another party.