I've dealt with the rewards thing this way: We get on board together about a goal, or an area of deficit. For example, I say DS, life would be easier if you learned math facts and after debate, he agrees that it would be nice to know them. He just finds it's too hard to learn them. I ask what he thinks might help him. Candy I like that because I can dole it out immediately and don't have to remember later. One time, he chose to have an hour of computer time alone without interruption for doing something or another. Surprised me because he rarely used the computer at that time. He had just heard other kids talking about that and thought it sounded neat. Sometimes, it's a trip to a museum. By having these discussions, I find out what he wants as an incentive and I delude myself into thinking that it is developing a means of self motivation. After all, I tell myself that when I get x (yucky) done, I can go do y (fun). We've addressed many problem areas this way: toilet aim, waking up in the morning, etc
Unfortunately, for DD(6), none of that works. She wants me to be in charge and to "make her" do things. If she gets to choose her rewards, there's no objective standard for her to compete with. She wants to win! I'm always telling her that she should do things because it's right, not to get something. She hates that. She doesn't behave well unless there are rigid rules and incentives (ie behavior chart with stars).

I don't know if it will work for your dc, but to push my ds into reading chapter books, I picked out a book I thought he'd like. I told him I'd read him a chapter every night. I read the chapter, left the book in his room, and by morning, he'd finished it. If I pick the right book it works.

I disagree. With a passion
A smart child is not going to waist his/her time on a book that is not interesting to them. I am all for allowing kids to read what they absolutely feel like reading at the given moment.
I trust that whatever my kids pick up will be worthy of their time. They need to read from variety of sources.



Agree on this one

Thank you Jayne. That was an excellent post.

There was a lot of great advice. She loves books, she is very inquisitive and that is the start I want for her. She reads and how she reads should be low priority.

DD is one of those that when she is ready, she accelerates quickly. But when she is not ready, she will not be pushed. Like today, her swimming instructor told me that she wanted to practice opening her eyes under water and asked her to hold different number of fingers up so she could count. That is DD, not just open your eyes under water but create some exercise to push the task. Last week, she wasn't ready.

Ren

WHen I've used rewards for reading, when DS needed something to get him past seeing so many words on the page, his reward was to go to the bookstore and pick out a book either for him to read or for us to read to him.

When we were in the doldrums finishing up his math curriculum for the year (I'm not confidant in the school's math curriculum), he got to pick something to celebrate finishing. We discussed the contribution each family member made to his goal of loving, learning, and finishing math (Dh earns money to buy the curriculum, I go over it w/ him, brother has to play quietly while DS does it) so he picks things for the whole family to enjoy such as dinner at a restaurant of his choosing, ice cream, remote controlled helicopter we all enjoy flying etc.

So far I've not seen any negative effects from this. I'm definitely in the intrinsic motivation is better than external motivation camp. The school encouraged me to try an external motivators for DS to get his homework done...it worked somewhat but external motivators have never worked all that well for him and I have trouble remembering to do it and following through.

I've had great meaning advice from the school that may have been brilliant for 99.9% of the kids they serve that was totally innapropriate for my children.

Ultimately the best judge of what will work with our kids has to be us.

They are all different and will respond differently.

Take the advice that applies at the time and chuck the rest.

I once got that advice, in regard to my own path, when I was 21, and it was the best advice ever neato,

Take what feels right and build your own path. Perhaps that is what DD is doing, but as control freak parent of a highly gifted little girl, how dare she?

Ren

Wren, I don't recall how old your DD is but if she is very young (3yrs old?) I've read that their reading can be ahead of their vision. The chapter books have smaller font and it may be fatiguing for her to read. Do you notice a difference w/ her willingness to read larger fonts? My 2nd son was reading at 2yrs old but I didn't push it, I figured he had plenty of time to learn to read. I did notice a difference w/ smaller fonts.

Hi D&C,

She is 3, turning 4 in 1.5 months. I notice her sight reading signs without a problem, so it may be, but I think it has more to do with rushing. She just wants to know the word fast. I think there is a part of her that is confused why she can sometimes sight read and sometimes cannot. I was told that it took until 6 or 7 that they understood that sometimes answers pop into their heads and sometimes they have to do the work. Although, with an IQ of 180+, they just keep popping into their heads.

So I do think it is part, she likes when she just knows and would like that all the time. Not happening like that...

Ren

LOL!!

A few months ago, DD6 started pulling kids books off the large print aisle! She brought SuperFudge over in BIG print and asked to bring it home and then she did read some of it.

I think there might be something to that small font theory at the young ages.