Oh and Trinity, I'm cracking up at the idea of you having two more "beyonder", ROFL!!!! I almost missed that post. I still have trouble navigating my way around this site.

I'm so sorry for the meanies Delbows' family experienced! Fortunately, while we've had "clueless", we haven't really had outright mean. I even liked Mrs. O for her forthrightness about the schools shortcomings, etc. But she did NOT "get" DD by any stretch. Fortunately that year was sandwhiched in between great 1st and 3rd grade teachers. We've heard good things about her new 5th grade teachers as well.

Hmm.

I believe some teachers at his school read this blog. I introduced them to the DITD website in hopes that they would be proactive. I don’t try to conceal my identity and I don’t write anything that is false and that I wouldn’t or haven’t told the principle. So, O.K.

There was one major incident in 3rd grade and one in 5th grade. In addition, there was daily criticism and nit picking.

One small incident at the beginning or 3rd, which set the tone for the year, occurred when the teacher wrote out a number line 0-10 and explained that 0 was the lowest one digit number and 10 was the lowest two digit number. My son raised his hand and asked, “Isn’t -9 the lowest one digit and -99 the lowest two digit?” (He had understood this for several years at that point) She stated, “No” and started the next day with the “Well, if you really were smart, then you ____.” This continued all year and escalated at certain points.

The big issue in 3rd grade (when he was 7 to 8 years old) occurred during the last quarter of the year in regards to the NON-GRADED Accelerated Reader Program. Each child had to earn a minimum number of points (I believe 5 or 7 was required) each period. If they chose, they could increase their stated GOAL at the beginning of each quarter. My son had read the first four Harry Potter books earlier that year (in addition to countless others) which were worth quite a few AR points each. He earned 39 AR points for the third quarter, so he set his goal at 40 AR points for the forth quarter. He took approximately 5 weeks to read H.P. the 5th. When he took the AR test, he only got 55% correct which did not pass and resulted in zero points. (I later learned that the previous four tests were at the 6th -8th grade level, but this test had been ordered at the 11th grade level and many other kids had also unexpectedly failed it.) Well, that is where she swept in. At the mid-quarter point, she announced (a new rule) that anyone who had not earned half of their AR points would not be included in the class party. So, even though my son had more AR points than many kids (from other books he had completed), he had to go to another teacher’s classroom while his class had a party. She made a point to announce to the class on several other occasions that DS would not meet his goal (the most ambitious in the class) and two days before the end of the school year, she announced that if a student had not met their goal, they would not receive their final report card or be included in the “field day” activities. She was just trying to get as much traction from this as she could at that point. Please remember that this is a non-graded requirement and he had easily surpassed the “requirement”, but missed the GOAL (that he set for himself) because the librarian had ordered the more difficult, higher grade level test as compared to the previous four which he had aced.


I’ll have to come back with the 5th grade issue.

I just missed your last post Dottie. That is so funny. The first time my kids were tested, the psych told me that DD was the REALLY gifted one also!

Well your post certainly tames down my "steam", LOL! Yikes! Unbelievable! I have my own love/hate thing going on with AR, but fortunately our teachers have been understanding thus far.

I've noticed the DD/DS similarities between our families before (delbows). You don't have a closet older child stashed away to match my first born, do you? If so...I could just follow behind your well paved footsteps, *grin*.

Only if you count my husband!

Well, that probably won't work, but it just hit me if your DD is 2 years older than your son, she's very close in age to my oldest (9/94) and can count for both of my girls, ROFL!

Like Trinity, we had a "crash and burn" in second grade also. Well, actually a couple of weeks before school started. My son however, apparently unlike Trinity's, did not show any outward signs of any problems at all. He is just the opposite, he internalizes everything. He is always quiet, always perfectly well-behaved, never talks in class, always stays in his seat - the perfect student. He also did well on everything in K and 1st, not perfect top of the class, but right up there in the top 5. After having a rocky start with his older brother, I thought "How nice, I can sit back with this one and relax!"

This lasted through preschool, kindergarten and first grade. Now I did find it odd that his kindergarten teacher told me that his ability level seemed to match whatever group she put him with. She even experimented by moving him from the lowest to the highest in reading and math groups and sure enough, at the lowest table he missed questions, at the highest he got them all right. I chalked that up to being 5.

His first grade teacher nominated him to be tested for the gifted program (because again, when placed with the high group, he did well). He did a little better than average on the screening test but not high enough to make the cut-off for further screening. (I knew nothing of IQ testing in those days, nor really knew what the gifted program was, so saw no need to do any follow-up.) Again, I thought, "That's fine, he is not gifted but he is a good student who will never have any probelms in school". I did find it odd that he scored a 99% in reading on the elementary standardized test and only a 25% on the math section. I chalked it up to being 6. Meanwhile, I was still focused on the older brother who was finally just startng to get into the school groove and do well.

Then comes the month before 2nd grade started. There were nightmares, crying, stomach aches, headaches, trips to the pediatrican, and finally the statement from him that he "can't do it again, he can't do another year like the last one in school", with no real explanation as to what that meant. I chalked it up to new year jitters.

It wasn't until the first day of school that we found out that they had put him in the gifted class anyway in spite of his score. I can't bear now to think what would have happened if they had put him in a regular class that year. The 2nd grade gifted teacher was a gift from heaven! She sat down with him the first week and immediately moved him from the 2nd grade curriculum to the 3rd. Some anxiety abated, but he still cried every morning and she had to come get him from me just to get him into the classroom. Finally in February, (yes, it took me that long) I took him to see a child psychologist - a wonderful man. After a couple of sessions to get to know him, he administered the WISC-IV. Like everyone else on these boards, we were floored when we got the results. More importantly though, it seemed to open the conversation gates a little and I began to get some insight from him as to what he was going through. Apparently the reason he never talked in school was because he learned early on that if you talked then people would know that you knew stuff and then they would ask you more questions. For a shy person, this was like shining a spotlight on him. He also learned that if you did the best in class or got everthing right, people would know that you knew stuff. Again the spotlight.

By the age of 7, he had an elaborate scheme worked out where he would determine who was the top of the class and would tailor his performance so that he scored just lower than that person. He would watch his teacher and if she was presenting something that she seemed to think would be difficult for the class to get, he would make sure he got a "C" grade. That standardized test in 1st grade? He thought the reading and math section would be averaged together and he would have come out with an average grade.

The gifted class, with its higher ability children and the great teacher helped him get his feet under him a little. But after another year in the class, I knew it was not going to be enough. We had him skip the 4th grade and enrolled him in the 5th grade in a private school. Again, it helped a little. We ended up moving over the holidays, skipped him again and enrolled him in the 6th grade for the second half of the year at another private school. This fall he starts 7th grade with another year acceleration in math.

Is it enough? No, I don't think so. But this is a gifted school so there are more likeminded peers and they are trying to accomodate his needs. He still monitors his performance, he still tries to aim for 2nd best, although it's becoming harder for him to disguise himself. Fortunately, the staff at this school sees right through that, hence the move to 8th grade for math. I know that is not his true limit though, I just don't what is.

So, of course I have mother guilt and kick myself for not seeing what was happening. Meanwhile, we still pay for that bad start. The physical syomtoms are gone but he sees absolutely nothing worthwhile about going to school. Like Dottie and others have mentioned, at least I learned from my mistake. His 8 year old brother has already skipped a grade and accelerated another 2 years on top of that for math. He likes school. I'm doing my best to keep that spark going.

CFK

Oh My CFK,
((flush))
((tears))
((goose-flesh))

It's like you and your son have been with me for the last 4 years. While I was dealing with the difficulty of my "in your face" boy, I kept reminding myself (through clenched teeth) how lucky I was to have an "externalizer" instead of an "internalizer" and I would imagine being in your shoes, even though I had never met you. I was sure that someone somewhere was living that other life. And now here your are! And they are so close in age, and both entering 7th grade! Wow, your son has such an amazing ability to read people - it's wonderful - i pray that as he grows he will be able to make it work for him.

We have found, like you, that it's a slow process, and having a school that "sees right through him" is such a big help! When you feel guilty remember that there are plenty of kids out there that don't ever get the parental or professional support anytime before late high school or in college. Your son gets both - later than you would have wished, but wow - they put him in the gifted program anyway! Go School!

Did you also get your older son's IQ/achievement tests done in February? Have you applied to YSP? When you moved was it across town, or did he have to start all over with his friendships? I predict "big growth" years for both our boys - both styles are needed in this world!

Smiles,
Trinity

CFK,
I’m sorry that your son had such a terrible experience as he tried to adjust to his environment, but over-all, it sounds like you have found the best possible situation for the near term. Both of the schools you describe seem proactive. That is at least half the battle.