Here's a snip of mine from another tread. I'd love to know what you think Hothousing is, and if you did it or didn't and why, and what you've learned:

"hothousing"??

Ah, hot-housing.

First, I'll give my definition of hot-housing. I see hothousing when a parent takes a preschooler (3-4 years old) and starts drilling reading and math facts so that their child will have an "edge" come school time. Hothoused kids are the ones who can perhaps decode CVC material or slightly higher come kindergarten, who have memorized math facts, etc -- all on the parents' instigation, not by following the child's interest. There is no particular love of learning or interest in facts, but just rote memorization. These are the kids who "even out" as all the children are introduced to the coursework.

The lines can get a blurry to ND parents when looking at EG/PG kids. But I think all of us here would know hot-housing if we saw it.

These "hot-housed" kids are the ones that make it so difficult to work with schools, in my (limited) experience -- the school assumes that you are a pushy stage parent who has worked hard to "make her kid smart", and a "control freak" when accommodations aren't given.

As mentioned on the other thread, we are about the farthest thing from hot-housers as they come! The kid could barely write his name when he turned 4. We just bring up topics as they come, if he seems interested. If not, we drop it -- end of story. However, this may change if we can't find a decent education for the kid ...

What's the difference between afterschooling and hothousing?

Our kids picked up sight reading on their own. I didn’t even consider it true reading because they made mistakes. The teacher, who accepted my daughter for early entrance to K, looked at me as if I were a neglectful/distant mother when I downplayed my daughter’s reading ability after her evaluation.

Educational computer games were THE favorite past-time for my kids since they were three (dd) and two (ds) through approximately 4th grade. We did not sit with them and explain what to do in any way. The software was intuitive to the kids and they worked together quite well.

They have always had books, Lego’s, art materials and a backyard at their disposal. We also tried our best to answer their questions. I know they are fortunate, but definitely not “hothoused”.

Afterschool, like homeschooling can follow the child's interest or a set curriculum or fall somewhere on the spectrum. Afterschooling is an activity.

Hothousing is a pejoritive term (that I would like to change to a neutral term) for parents who "push" their children to learn, before the child shows any interest. There is a suggestion that the parent is offering love and attention in exchange for the child's participation in the parent's scheme. There is a whole industry that promises to sell materials and techniques to make a smarter baby/toddler/preschooler. The real research shows that the normal paying attention to a child, talking with a child, and giving the child choices where appropriate actually can make a child smarter and more 'school-ready.'

Of course the term hothousing also is part of the way it's so difficult for U.S. folks to deal with class differences directly. Instead of saying, 'Gee, we interested adults notice that kids from homes with more resource and who have parents with more lesuire and less stress come to school with more skills and ready to learn, as a group, than many kids from families with more stess, less resource in time and money. How do we feel about that? What are we going to do in response to what we see?'

Instead many interested adults will feel more comfortable saying "Bad Middle Class(or higher)parents! You ruin your children's childhoods and Hothouse your children so they can dominate other kids at school, and from then on, in life. How dare these parents have the nerve to insist that their children are 'special' and have special learning needs. They have priviledge and just want more and more."

Of course it does look like that in the U.S. the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting left behind. There is fear and insecurity for many College educated parents. Some parents aren't particularly thoughful of their children. It's actually a pretty new idea that it is the parent's job to be thoughtful of their child's individual needs, and this idea has some drawbacks. It's actually a pretty new idea that anyone has individual needs. For a long time people did what everyone around them was doing, and that was that.

Personally, I think there has to be some kind of balance between "knowing yourself, and being thoughtful of one's needs" and "sucking it up" and being pleased just to get to participate in the larger community. Both perspectives have value. Balance.
((Please don't ask me how I got to here from Hothousing! I sure didn't expect this!))

Smiles,
Trinity

Thanks for the explanation!

No, we didn't hothouse dd. She started reading on her own before she was 4 and had a natural desire to read, write etc so we just followed her lead.

I will say that we work with dd on math that she is not doing in school yet. We do this because she wants to learn more complicated math and her class is still working on early addition/subtraction and fractions. DD absorbs information and masters what she's learned at a very rapid pace and since her school isn't working on more difficult math we do it. All is at her request, though, and if she doesn't want to continue we dont.

Interesting quote.

No, we've never hothoused. Our girls have always been interested in learning. If anything, DH and I wish they'd leave us alone more often, but they always want to do things with us (spelling games, math games, etc.). I don't want to discourage them, but sometimes I just don't have the energy.

Well, if the explanation is as above, I am guilty of hothousing my kids before they entered school.
Let me explain.
I quit work when my daughter was born and Ghost was 2 years old. I was a "full time stay at home mom " for close to 5 years.
Ghost has always been quite a noisy child (put gently), so we needed some good, long down time/quiet activity time when his little sister was sleeping during the day. I did not want him to watch TV, we limited that activity VERY CAREFULY, so I read tons to him but only in my mother's tongue. Well, as you can imagine, I also wanted to take advantage of the fact that one of my children was out of the way (asleep) to do some chores. So after short reading sections, I introduced Ghost to coloring books. But as you remember, at that tender age of 2 or 3 or 4, there is no activity that would occupy them for longer than 10-15 min. There was a need to change activities frequently. Different coloring books were changing into activity books . But funny as it may sound to you now, since I never speak to my children in English, I was always translating the text into my mother's tongue. Then I had an "aha" moment. Why not get him preschool books in my native language? And that is how I began a journey of teaching my son to read in my native language. By the time he hit kindergarten age, he was a fluent reader in both languages, of course only of books at his level (Bob Books, Dr. Seus books etc.)My mother's tngue is very phonetic, so he absolutely had no problems reading phonics books. My daughter followed the same path.
So I guess it was hothousing, because there is no way Ghost at 2.5 years of age would tell me, hey I want to read in two languages. Did my kids enjoy it? Tremendously! Once they started K I stopped teaching them my language, I just made sure that whenever we go to Europe they do not have any English books with them so they have to read in my language :-)
If it wasn't for the hothousing, my kids would not be able to speak and read two languages equally well.

What about music? Would this be hothousing as well?
Both of my kids started formal music lessons before the age of four. Both wanted to do it. The first one because he saw some kids playing and thought it will take him A LESSON to play like that, the second one because her brother was doing it (she actually got her first violin for her second birthday because she was dragging and damaging mine). At first they wanted to practice, but after a few months it became, and is to this day, a chore. I have always made sure they did they daily practice, bribing them when they were little, making sure that their schedules are not hectic right now, as they are older.
So this can also be categorized as hothousing. But I do not think there are many musicians that were practicing their instruments at 13 years old for a couple of hours a day and loving it. Do not get me wrong,they LOVE to play. Practicing is different.
Did you know that Beethoven's father was spanking him as little Ludvig refused to practice :-) We are a different society now, but maybe if it wasn't for that spanking we would not have the 9th Symphony (my personal favorite :-)

Ania,

That sounds lovely.
I disagree that you hothoused. You did notice what would keep your son busy and occupied. If having a pass with crumpled newspaper would have kept him quiet while you did chores, you might have done that - you did what came naturally to you in your situation. I think hothousing can be reserved for parents who "have a plan" for the child, and a "need" for the child to be out of the ordinary. Or for parents who see that their child will have special needs, and want to be sure that the schools will be able to understand that child. I'm not really against hothousing, as long as there is enjoyment for all parties. And there are times when the need for challenge means that it won't be 100% enjoyment.

Trinity

I'm with Trinity. Introducing things to your kids and then seeing what they do isn't hothousing. Finding something to keep them busy and out of your hair isn't hothousing...in fact, it might be the opposite of hothousing! (Certainly it's smart parenting!)

Saying, "You sit down right now and practice your phonics, young lady," when the child wants to do some scribbling or work on a puzzle or play tag is hothousing. The use of flashcards ala the Rick Moranis character in the movie "Parenthood" is the clearest portrayal of hothousing I know of.

The big difference, I think, is whether the effort and interest are child-directed (with parent help and support) or parent-directed (with participation from the child stemming from his/her desire to be rewarded or loved).

It sounds to me like your kids' reading was really more child-directed, Ania. You weren't forcing cooperation, and they loved the reading itself, not just the attention they got from you when they read. Hothoused kids don't LOVE what they do. They may feel compelled to do it, but there's no love for the task itself.

There's my two-cents' worth...

Hi,

I was so against hothousing when DD was small that I think I have actually contributed to her underachievement and have failed to provide the neccessary dosage of chanllenge that DD needs.

Now we do activities after the school and I plan to teach her to read in Spanish (my mother tongue). Of course, if DD says that she rather colours or play with stickers that's fine with me, but I do offer 'academic' activities every day now.

DS will be more 'hothoused', in the same way as we do it now with DD: introduce him to learning activities and see if he is interested and picks them up. Right now is puzzels and shape sorters. He really likes them and is starting to understand how it works.

By the way, Mozart was very heavely hothoused...

And one more question to Ania: which is your mother tongue if I may ask?

This is a really good discussion. This is a huge issue where I live. My son started kindergarten last year and I'd say a 1/3 of the class could read to some degree. Well, clearly 1/3 of the class is not PG. And my son was barely reading. I really felt like a bit of a failure at the time! I didn't hot house my son at all. He was very much a "I'll do what I want to do" preschooler. It is interesting though, that my son now reads at a 5th-6th grade level, and these kids that were so ahead the first months of K are now perhaps reading more at the 2nd grade level (there are a couple that may be more gifted). It just doesn't pay to hot house a preschooler!

I did start my son in piano at 5. He was asking to start. He's still going and he is doing great. We never had early reader books in the house until he was in K (he was more interested in listening to chapter books). And he played with numbers for fun. We introduced him to mathematical concepts through him asking questions. Most recently it's square roots. My son went to a very non-academic, fun preschool. GT issues were the last thing on my mind for him. Actually, piano was the first glimpse I saw of GT in him. He cranked through repotoire twice as fast as other students with our teacher.

DD3 is actually much more interested in "academics" than my son was at 3. She actually tries to read, write, and do what DS is up to. And now she is asking to take violin lessons. I don't think I'm up for that quite yet. Maybe at 4. I feel like we're very child driven.

I feel a badly for kids who have academics shoved down their throats. They all learn it when they're ready. I want my kids to definitely be kids! Even if their not ND.

And Ania - I don't think you're a hothouser in the least!

Most 4 year olds don't demand violin lessons. Mine did. People may assume I "hot house" because they don't think 4 year olds seriously demand violin lessons.
I don't blame them for thinking that, but it's not really my problem.
It is a problem when the teacher at school thinks I am doing this hot house thing to my children.
But, after some time, they realize I'm not, because they see when the kids don't know something and then how quickly they learn it for themselves, eventually.

Take heart Mia and all others accused of hot housing. The people that are important in your child's life will "get it" eventually.
This is a good thread!

Incog

Amen, sister!

This is a sensitive issue for sure, and I'm guessing that our approach would be considered "hot-housing" by some. I also forced potty-training on all 3, ROFL! But I really just saw it all as "good parenting", and would do it all again.

DS learned to read at 3, with a structured program, but that was not my goal. My goal was to teach DD2 some basics, to give her an advantage. As early as 3/4, she just seemed "behind". It took her f-o-r-e-v-e-r just to learn to spell her name, even the shortened version! At 5, while in preschool (Feb birthday), I started working through a reading instruction book with her. DS, a young 3 didn't want to miss that Mama time, and surprisingly caught right on.

We also did a wild assortment of workbooks and such in those early years, but all in fun at with little prodding. DD2 for example really loved those cutting ones (and got amazed comments on her cutting skills in preschool, LOL!)

Honestly though, what's the difference between reading to your child, and taking it one step further?

Most of what I did with my little two, came about after seeing what DD1 could do. I have no background in education, and was pretty clueless about teaching young children. But I realized early on that the little two could do what the first was doing in school, and I guess I "hot-housed", .

Once I had it in my mind that DS needed to skip forward in math, we did take advantage of having exposure to the curriculum we hoped to skip. I just saw that as opportunity, .

My definition of hot-housing.....does it result in guilt? If you feel no guilt, and all involved are happy, I prefer to call it good parenting, .

Oh, and if by some miracle I hot-housed three average kids into the 98th+ percentiles, well good for me, . The school should ask ME for advice, .

I think pressure is also key to hothousing. Are you pressuring your kids? Are you withholding something important to them (love, attention, playtime, etc.) if they don't "play ball" with you and work hard at your particular hobby-horse (to mix my metaphors...)?

If not, I don't think it's hothousing.

Oh, and I think there's a difference between hothousing and helping a kid to catch up in a subject they're behind in. Hothousing is about making your kid more impressive to others; helping a kid to work at an appropriate level for her/his ability is good parenting.

IMHO...

One more post, to make up for being out all day. I should also add that I'll often comment about "hot-housing" in quotes, for times when I think I had to do what I did, but it's not something I would have naturally done.

An example...DS was given DRA levels 1, 2 and 3 for his first reading assessment at school. Fortunately this was a "practice" screening, done impropmtu at 1st grade registration. He was 5 and reading VERY fluently. The tester was not impressed. In hindsight, I learned a) that only 3 levels could be tested at once, and she started at level 1. He was doomed from the start. But also b), a level 3 book is almost ALL PICTURES!

At the time, DD2 then in 1st was acing the "retell". DH and I called it the BS grade, because this child would "retell" for more words than the book included. It was a fine art. It was a gift of hers for sure, but one we had HER "hot-house" into DS for his admittance assessment. Interestingly, he hit the cap (they only tested through end of 1st grade) on that go around. Never mind that he was reading much higher, but without those "skills", he might have tested much lower.

Before DD's hot-housing, his retell was more along the lines of "Um....there are no words in this book?"

Little things like that we "hot-housed" to play the game, that allowed DS to move ahead. Having two older sister's, he's virtually hole-free. I could see them coming a mile away, and plug them long before the school could find them.

We didn't have this need for the girls. In fact, I sometimes consider DD2 my "pace car" as she's going through the system per design, with a perfectly middle of the road birthdate.

(Disclaimer for lurkers who assume that means I don't love my girls....., please know I love them dearly and do what I feel is best for each of my children!)

Yeah, again, I think that's working the system rather than hothousing, Dottie. It just doesn't have the requisite intent for hothousing, you know? Trying to get your kid seen for what he is is different than trying to TURN your kid INTO something he isn't.

I like that Kriston! In the future, when I type "hot-housing", read "working the system", ROFL!!!

Good topic, Trinity. We never hot-housed here. Heck we never even after-schooled until 3 weeks ago when I hired an Algebra tutor for an hour a week. With a full-time job and three kids, where would I have found the time?

I've always been astonished how DS can know things without ever having been exposed to them. He missed 2 years of math instruction with the gradeskips and yet never seemed to have any gaps. The tutor keeps telling me that he is amazed at the concepts DS understands and they aren't even using an algebra textbook, just solving math contest problems so far. And reading? I have no idea when he learned to read. I never taught him, they didn't teach it in pre-school, yet in kindergarten he could read.

Only this year has anyone ever made a comment that he must do a lot of academics at home. At the interview for admission to the private school this year, after going over the WIAT results, the school psychologist mentioned that they want to see well rounded children and that hopefully they could convince my son that there was more to life than studying. I have to admit that I rudely started laughing at that point. This is the child that would do his homework in the car on the way to school! Other than that I don't think I have ever seen him with a textbook in his hands.

I'm curious, I know hothousing wouldn't have an effect on IQ scores, but it could definitely raise achievement scores correct? I wonder how high you could raise the achievment level of an ND child with intensive instruction. It seems that there would be a natural leveling off on how much material an average learner could master at a given point.

I would think it would affect achievement scores to a point. Certainly there is going to come a time when a kid says "Enough!" and rebels. A lot of damage can be done over the course of those years, and it may not really show until it's bad!

A well-respected local expert who works with SENG gave a presentation about perfectionism, and I asked him if ND kids under parental pressure ever demonstrate that nutty wig-out behavior of GT kids that comes of intense frustration with not being able to match externally what they envision in their minds. (I asked to help another woman, who was wondering if her 4yo child, who was going through some intense perfectionist moments, was gifted or not.)

He said that a gifted kid who is a perfectionist usually gets frustrated and wigs out at a young age--preschool or before--whereas a kid under intense parental pressure to be perfect usually sticks with it until high school age before cracking. Until puberty, the pressured ND kids want the parental approval. But when they are ready to rebel, look out! Then they crack HARD!

YMMV by a mile, naturally, and certainly some GT kids never experience perfectionism at all. But it struck me as interesting at the time and seems germane to the conversation now...

Here's another wrinkle:

I'm home schooling, as are some others here, I know. Even more people here are afterschooling. How do you make sure you're enriching and not hothousing?

Some days I feel like we're being really lazy and irresponsible about his education, while other days I feel like I have the whip out on the kid. (Not literally, of course!) So how do you tell if you're balancing?

Kriston, I've been wondering the same thing. But I think it's like this: some kids need to be pushed to try things more than others. For instance, my son is reluctant to try something that he doesn't feel he has mastered (perfectionism.) I feel that it is important for him to experience the process of not knowing how to do something, working at it even if it doesn't come easily and finally achieving mastery. This is what really builds his self-confidence.

Here's an example of what I see with him: His K class doesn't require any writing beyond single letters and one's own name. I started requiring him to write one or two sentences a day at homework time. At first, he did not want to do it and I really had to sit there and help him with every word. Now, one week later, he wants to do it by himself, comes up with his own topics for writing and says things like, "I can write pretty well on my own, can't I!"

So, for him, I see it as good parenting to insist that he work at things that he thinks are "too hard" because otherwise he would just keep avoiding those things.

When I think of hothousing, I think of people showing word and number flashcards to infants or doing other developmentally inappropriate things. If I see that my son is developmentally ready to write sentences, why shouldn't I encourage him to do that--even if the school is not?

Why is it ok for parents of ND kids to encourage their development and not for parents of GT kids? It seems like a kind of double standard... I have heard teachers complain about parents of kids who are behind not spending time working with the kids. In DS' K class, the teacher even has some parents sign a contract that they will work with their child for 15 min/day on number recognition and the parents have to turn in a sheet with the days initialed. So why is it hothousing for me to work with DS on a Singapore math workbook for 15 min/day?

Wow - Thanks for all the responses.

After reading them, I feel more strongly than ever that 'hothouse parents' is being used as a code for 'bad parent.' An easy way to attack folks who like to learn.

Like Isa, if I wasn't frightened off of 'playing with learning' with my DS when he was preschool/early elementary age, he would be more recognisable to the school as a kid who needed accomidation.

So I'm glad that we are talking about the various realities behind the lables, and figuring out what we ourselves believe.

Kids who are underchallenged are going to need a push, and it won't be all pleasant. Kids who are 2E are going to need more drill, more thoughtful help - they just do.

I really appreciate everyone's comments.
Trinity

I'm going to preface this by reminding everyone that we have a *ridiculous* group of parents and kids. Our experiences are not the norm.

I do think that "hot-housing" is a valid term. I don't mean "bad parent." It's just not the choice I'd make, and not the way I choose to raise my child -- and we obviously all do what we think is best for our kids However, I'm starting to realize we should have worked with ds more!

No, I'm not fond of hot-housing, because it can't be good for a kid -- all that play time missed! And for what? Peers "catch up" when they learn to read, add, etc., and a preschooler never gets back that time to learn through free exploration.

However, I think one difference is that for most of our kids, the learning *is* play in their eyes. Not "play is learning," because that's obviously true. But for this kind of kid, learning is often the most fun thing you could be doing. So when we teach, we're often playing -- in a way that ND children typically don't "play." A PG 4-year-old could "play" by reading Shakespeare while the child next to her is having just as much fun and learning just as much at his own rate -- playing with blocks.

When I say "hot-housing," I mean an artificial situation -- one enforced on the child, and one in which they want no part or could care less. It's more like drilling/memorizing than teaching/learning. And this isn't for home-schoolers or after-schoolers, at least not in my mind. It is, I suppose, the difference in what the parent wants to get out of it. Is the only goal that the child get into the GT program with the 95th percentile cut-off? Or is that a partial goal, and the real benefit of following a child's interests and expanding on them? *That*, I think, is key.

I can't explain it. But I know it when I see it. Can each of you think of a parent who you'd consider a "hot-houser? I know I have -- and then I've known parents who guide and help and teach rather than pull.

And I don't think you can hot-house a high IQ score. Achievement, maybe. But not IQ.

Actually, Trinity, I didn't really get this at all from the discussion. I define hothouse parents as the ones who are *using* their children's accomplishments to validate them and to accumulate status and that is not what I am doing and I don't think that's what you are doing, or, what any of us are doing.

I do think there are real hothouse parents who are grooming their kids for the best private schools from preschool on through Harvard and that the accomplishments of their kids are part of their social status goals. I know these parents and I've seen the kids and it really is not pretty. I don't blame educators who see these kids from being angry at the parents who are using their kids as a means to an end for themselves.

We know that this is not what we are doing with our kids, but until an educator knows us and our kids, I am not surprised that they might actually get confused about what is happening, because, honestly, there are probably more hothoused kids than HG+ kids in the average upper-middle class district! Because we are in a lower-middle to lower class district, there aren't many hothoused kids in public school and so I think I was spared false accusations, but I also made it a point to be known at the school as someone who helped out and cared about ALL the kids.

I remember talking to one of the teachers who had come to public school from an elite private school and she said that she left the private school because she got tired of all those pushy parents. I had worked a lot with her through the year to make sure DS's needs were met, so I asked her if she put me in that group and she just laughed at me because to her the difference was obvious. Some teachers just take more time to see the difference.

Ooh, yes, acs: status for the parents! Good point! I think that's key, too!

Like Kriston, I think of the scene in "Parenthood" when I think of hothousing. But, I don't know anyone who does anything that extreme! I think that right now it is very difficult for any parent, particularly first-time parents, to figure out where the line is between good parenting and being too pushy. There are all these products targeted at infants and toddlers that purport to enhance achievement. Anyone susceptible to the marketing could start to feel guilty if they don't do something.

My experience has been similar to Trinity's and Isa's - total non-push with later doubts about whether that was a good idea or not. Actually, my most common reply to a request for information from my kids is, "Well, what do you think?" I do provide answers or guide to reference material eventually, if necessary. DH and I felt really unconcerned about DD's academic achievement early on - we figured that she was intelligent and that it would be smooth sailing. As a result, I guess that she has been one of those kids who "caught up".

As Dottie pointed out, younger siblings are exposed to academic experiences earlier via their older brothers and sisters. The information is just floating around in the household and they are bound to soak it up. Does anyone ever apply the term "hothousing" to a younger brother or sister? I don't think they do, but I could be wrong. In our house, I suspect DS was paying attention when DD was learning to read, so that must have had some effect. And he continues to be exposed to school work 5 grades above his level, there's just no avoiding it. I don't consider him hothoused though, just observant....

I'm not sure I agree with this last sentence, Mia, though I certainly agree with your larger point that it's all about the parents' intent. I do think it is entirely possible to be a home-schooling or after-schooling parent and practice hothousing, too. If anything, you have more opportunity and motivation to do it when your child relies on you for learning opportunities more than a traditional school. I know I sometimes feel like people think I'm a nut for home schooling, so I certainly feel pressure to have DS6 demonstrate success to the world at large. I don't think that's playing out in our school time--and hopefully the fact that I'm conscious of the issue means that it really isn't!--but it is on my mind.

Seriously, I worry. But we probably only do "real school" for 10-12 hours per week, tops. (Often less.) And DS6 tends to be easily distracted when faced with a challenge. (Teachers and the the psychologist who tested him have all noted this tendency in DS6. It's hard to miss!) Don't I need to push a little when his attention is wandering? They would in a traditional school setting, right? But balancing enough push and not too much is a daily dilemma for me personally.

And how do you tell the difference between a kid who likes the challenge and the one who just says he does to get your approval? Obviously I think DS6 likes what we're doing, and he's progressing quickly through the material. I check in with him often to make sure he's happy. He says he is. Heck, he's campaigning to home school again next year! But I worry nonetheless...

I'm coming to the conclusion that it's all about intent. And even that's tricky, because obviously both kinds of parents (hothousing and non-hothousing) want what's best for their kids. It's just that (IMHO...) hothousing parents are sort of missing the forest for the trees, if that makes any sense. They're thinking so much about the future that they're missing the child's present-day needs. And they're also prioritizing social status, which is their own want and isn't relevant to the child at all.

I think you're right, Trinity, that when teachers "accuse" one of us of being hothousing parents, they mean that we're pushy "stage moms." I think the assumption is that we're hurting the kids. It seems to me to be just another retread of the "When does the kid get to play?" thing, a question that's patently irrelevant to these kids, as Mia and others have already noted here.

Sounds like a lot of us think the hot-housers may be on to something ...? At least, several of us seem to be thinking we should have engaged in more "hot-house-y" standard activities, except at our own children's levels. That's an interesting thought ...

And no, younger children just have the opportunity to pick more up, through exposure. So I wouldn't call them hot-housed when they happen to learn things along with a sibling.

Yep, *that's* what I'm trying to say, Kriston. You just wrote it better and more succinctly!

Here is how I would delineate the parent categories at our school:

The obnoxious pushy parent, another pejorative term used by teachers. Since my husband and I are the only ones, that I know of, actively advocating for more challenge for our student at an already highly achieving school, I guess we’d fit the bill in the opinion of many teachers.

The hot-house parents at our school are the ones who are way overly invested in helping their children with their projects. My son recently had to work with a kid whose dad inserted himself as the third person for their project, shot down my son’s ideas, set the direction and worked on the assignment with ds and his non-assertive son. Oddly, a good number of teachers seem oblivious to this form of hot-housing.

Aside from the majority of parents, who are perfectly satisfied with the status quos (which we are for our daughter), there is also a large population of “teacher suck-up parents” at our school. These come in two forms; the generous donor parents and the constant presence in the school. The latter are usually moms and often gossip with the worst teachers, who LOVE them, but are a source of annoyance to the better teachers and many other “main-stream” parents.

Guilty as charged ! Probably also INCREDIBLE BRAGGER, since I made sure all new 7th grade teachers new exactly what Ghost is capable of and are challenging him appropriately. I can imagine the comments in the teacher's lounge the day after P/T conferences.

I also try to talk to other parents and ask them what they think about certain "problems" at the school, but most, or should I say all of them, DON'T CARE

A couple of weeks ago I got a phone call from a mom that I spoke to one month into the school year, about LA teacher that was reading to 7th graders for most of the class time, everyday. She did not see the problem at that time! Her son was happy (sure, he had nothing to do in that class), and that was important.
But two weeks ago she realized that something was wrong. She was asking me what I was able to acomplish. Well, I told her, but I was so mad at her for not being there with me , at the front of the line, two months ago. I was the only soul fighting for change! Typical teacher suck-up parent !

Ugh, apathy! Hate it!

Though one of the reasons we're out of the school is that I'm not at all good with advocacy. I'm too pushy, too. But in my case, it backfires. Not good.

Still, I'd take pushy parent over apathetic parent any day of the week!

Please let me clarify my last post, as I may have offended some school volunteers here, which was not my intent. I volunteer at least once per month at our school and I used to volunteer quite a bit more when the kids were in the lower grades. Ania, I would be so grateful for a parent like you who spearheads a program, such as instituting and helping with ALEKS to provide extra challenge for the kids who need it. You all are not the type of parents I was referring to.

The fine line, as for hot-house parent versus supportive parent, exists also between the suck-up parent and the helpful parent.

I think you can see the effects of hothousing in kids who are hothoused. I know several college professors who have kids crying and desperate in their offices: "my dad will kill me if I don't get into medical school/get straight A's/make the basketball team etc" Some have attempted suicide when they see they are failing. For many of these kids, the expectations are not especially realistic or what the kid actually wants for him/herself (but, as I said earlier, are the parents using their children to gain status or validation). Having high expectations for you child is one thing, but pushing to them past what is realistic and not listening to who your child is, that's the real problem.

I actually wonder if some parents are thought to be hothousing simply because these GT kids are so high. Maybe its easier to think that its the parents pushing than the fact that the child is actually highly gifted? Know what I mean?

Hi Tammy,
I suspect that in some districts that hothousers are a dime a dozen and way more common than HG+ kids. It seems quite natural to me that educators in those districts would leap to the conclusion that a high achieving child had been hothoused. But we know better, and I think in many cases we can show them that our kids are "hothousing" themselves!

When I wrote "typical teacher suck-up parent" I meant the other mom! Not me!

I'm sure you are correct Tammy. My son was quite "invisible" to many of the School Folks at his old school. I even made up a story in my mind that his giftedness was like a pair of huge invisable wings, that some teachers couldn't see. All they could detect was the way those invisible wings knocked things over and made DS wobble when he walked. Obviously there was almost no place to actually fly during the school day. Even his parents were mostly concerned that he hold his wings politely in and not knock over the other children. The wings would take care of themselves until the wonderful day when he could use them, right?

Well - things didn't turn out that way, and we got quite an education.


We definitly need a word for 'gifted blindness' that is quite normal in this culture, perhaps that for another thread?

Smiles,
Trinity

You all need to stop posting such provocative, funny, relatable posts or I will never get offline and do anything productive.

:0