Oh yes!

Last night, during an evening sledding with friends, DS11 crashed into a car at full speed, earning a sore arm and a bump on the noggin.

All his various ages needed my attention. He wanted to know all the facts, and what could have happened. Later in bed, the fears that he had injured his brain resurfaced, and he asked for more information about brain injuries.

After letting him go on and on a while, I said. If I were a regular mom, I would just say, "OK, stop thinking about it, it could have been bad, but you did not do any damage. The only thing at risk of hurting you now, is you worrying about what could have happened. I don't like anyone hurting you, including you, so stop it."

He said: Why don't you say that?
I took this to mean that although he was asking questions on the older, intellectual level, that he wanted some good old age appropriate babying.

So I said, "Then I will. Nothing bad happend, you are fine, stop thinking about it."

He rolled over and went to was quiet. Soon he was asleep. What would I pay for a microphone that would pick up his thoughts. My fear is that he would keep on worrying, but just go quiet about it. My hope is that I spoke to the boy at the age he needed to be at that moment.

I'm grateful for getting this particular thread at this time, and to Delbows link, for reminding me that he does need many different interactions from me - depending on his age at the moment.

Smiles,
Grinity

I was thinking about the term "Asynchronous" today, and how there was an earlier discussion somewhere on this board regarding the use of the term "gifted". I remember someone wasn't really fond of describing people as "gifted" (kcab, I believe?). I agreed with whoever it was at the time, but I didn't have time to post the couple days that discussion was happening! Amazing - I actually found the thread.

http://giftedissues.gt-cybersource.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/3939#Post3939

Anyway - I've grown much more comfortable with the terminology since doing research and reading on this topic and rejecting the gifted denial somewhat. But I could really see how throwing the term "gifted" around too heavily in front of a parents of ND children who could set them off. Before I knew DS was gifted, an aquaintence of mine used to talk about her gifted children in such an annoying tone that reeked of superiority. She definitely threw it around like a status symbol. Anyway, I definitely avoid that terminology in general conversation.

Anyway, thinking aloud on the computer here, I was wondering if it would make the world and legislators more comfortable using the term "Asynchronously developing" to describe children. It could also used to describe LD children accurately I think. Maybe we could be funded the same on both ends of the spectrum. Ahhh ... it's fun to dream.

Gosh, all this time I've thought I was a hypochondriac....now I know I'm just GT! (I'm only partially laughing, LOL!)

Sorry about the sled bump there Grin! Poor guy! I hope the car was at least stationary?

I rarely use "GT" type words IRL, and something I read last night in my Terence Tao article really resonated with me. Let me get the exact wording...



I tend to second guess so much of what I say, and really only feel that I can cut loose in places like this. I like the alternative phrase idea. I tend to use thoughts like "unique needs" when talking about DS. I went too far one day though when another parent thought my poor son was profound in the other direction. Interestingly though, she was more interested and caring when she had that thought, .

Dottie, the other mother's reaction was awful! But it's a reaction I see lots of times at my kids school. I guess maybe the other mother felt somewhat superior when she thought your DS had problems and then to find out he was very gifted took away that superior feel. Or maybe she felt you needed her sympathy on the one hand and then to find out he was gifted meant you didn't need her sympathy?? (to give her the benefit of the doubt - LOL!). Last year in my DS's K class a child was being tested for the GT program and another mother got wind of it and threw a fit because "if one is getting tested then they should test them all!!!" In fact the parents act much worse about it all than the children. The kids just take it matter of factly that some of the kids are in the GT program, but it can really bring out the claws in the parents. I guess they feel their child is being put down if he/she isn't recognized as gifted. It's interesting isn't it that athleticism can be so celebrated out in the open but intelligence cannot.

I can relate to this statement. Its interesting that if your child has any learning disabilities that you can discuss it openly with anyone but if your child is GT you don't have the same liberty to talk about it without fear of some form of judgment. I think that is why I feel at home here. I can talk about my daughter and the fact that she IS gifted. Every single parent here can relate to finally having that freedom, I'm sure.

I hesitate to find an alternative phrase to describe my dd because I don't think there's any shame in the term gifted. I think any other term would eventually end up having the same connotations as "gifted" does anyway.

I just happy to have found a community like this. If only the real world had the same reaction to our kiddos!

Ditto to both paragraphs!

The term "gifted" is a specific, educational term with a specific meaning. To be blunt, I wish the rest of the world would just get over it.

...But they won't, of course. Not any time soon. And so here we are. For the record, I usually say, "He's a bright kid" or something like that instead of using the word gifted. It seems to get the point across in a less annoying/threatening manner. At least the responses I get seem to be more positive and/or supportive

BTW, now that we're home schooling, lots of people ask me why we made the move. So whereas before I almost never told anyone that DS6 was gifted, now it seems like I'm talking about it a lot! (Though I always try to say the bare minimum about it to avoid sounding like I'm bragging or trying to "convert" people to home schooling. I want to do neither!)

On the bright side, people seem to realize that if you pull your kid out of school for "emergency" home schooling, he probably really is gifted. At least that seems to be the way the responses tend, by a wide margin.

Yeah, that was me having trouble with the term "gifted". I still do, though I've also become somewhat habituated by hanging around here. After all, "moron" was once a clinical term (perhaps it still is, not my field), I remember how surprised I was to see it listed as the label for a specific IQ range. I don't think learning disabilities have always been easy for parents to be open about, that seems like a relatively new phenomenon to me. (If it's true - is it true that it's not a big deal to talk about a learning disability?)

So, me, I like the term "asynchronously developing".

I was thinking to say more...but teh wine is going to my head...

-k

I agree that learning disabilities are still considered a big deal and it is often challenging to get the schools to appreciate the child's needs. It is hardly taken in stride.

I have known plenty of kids who were profound "in the other direction" as Dottie said. There really is no comparison to what we go through with our kids. Certainly, they can bring joy to their families and I feel blessed to have know them and families who care for them. But keep in mind that many profoundly delayed chilren require multiple surgeries and hospitalizations, 24 hour care, and may never speak or walk, and certainly will never live independently. So, yeah, I totally understand why someone who was familiar with a profoundly delayed child wouldn't think we deserved much sympathy! I certainly am grateful for everything we've been "gifted" with.

You know, a lot of a child's 'special learning needs' depends on personality as well. So I exploit this in conversation quite a bit. In my "Hi We're New" speech, I talk some about DSll "needing to cary big rocks" as a personality quality. I try to throw in an appreciative comment about "I just love how some kids create challenge for themselves - I wish there was more of that in my child's personality - but you have to take them as they are" ((Frown, Head shake and shoulder shrug)) This, followed by a quick subject change to their child's experience or if have had any similar experiences keeps me in a comfort zone. Not that this approach has resulted in me being inundated with invites for coffee or anything - yet - but I hope I'm not irritating people, and that I'm creating a tiny bit of acceptance out in the ND world. I try to create the tone of 'This is the only way, it is hard in some ways, but our family is brave and realizes that all parents do the best they can, us included.'

Once your child has an accomidation, most people realize that they don't want their child in that situation, and that your kid must need it, cause they will get reports from their kid that your kid is 'smart.'

Pull Out Programs are different - they are seen as 'perks.' Plus the kid is still gifted '24/7' - although I think pull out programs can be very useful for gifted kids, they are just harder to 'sell.'

I haven't seen much by way of claws, but that could be in part that my son is tall, and loud, and has lots of externalizing behavior - so Parents notice right off the bat that there is a 'tiger in my tank.' In the begining the hardest thing for me socially was the opposite, when the other kid's parents would say: "Is DS going to be a lawyer when he grows up?"

Those kinds of comments floored me. Now I just say, "Are you ok?" And yes, I do get a certian pride from having him be "like that."

I'm learning so much from Grinity, and will have to try that approach. I didn't mean to even hint at extreme LD's when I said things like "He really doesn't fit in with a traditional classroom" and "He has very extreme needs". Perhaps it's better to just come right out with it? I don't know....

I DO find it easier personally to talk about DD's learning disabilities, rather than her GT-ness. You guys know how helpful I like to be, explaining scores and such. Well, when APD/dyslexia issues come up IRL, I can really let it all out without that "I can't believe I'm talking about this" feeling I get when DS is the focus. I've pointed quite a few in the right direction on that one, without even mentioning DD's gifts (although I sometimes feel guilty for THAT!)

I too am extremely grateful for all our collective giftings! And I certainly didn't mean to "unsympathize" the profoundly disabled. I agree, BIG difference. I was just caught off guard that this other parent went there from what I said, kwim?