I really didn't understand what it meant when some of you referred to your kids as asynchronous so I decided to look it up. I came across this reference and was wondering how true it is?

http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/asynchronous.htm

When it comes to intellectual, physical and emotional development did you notice a significant delay in the physical and emotional side as they suggested in the article? Im just curious how accurate this idea is that the higher the IQ the more out of sync the other developments are.

Well sure, although I would caution you that emotional maturity is not something that one can measure. Lots of things that look immature to others are actually excellent adaptaions to a difficult learning situation, or some other problem that MG or ND kids wouldn't have to face. Many will say that emotional maturity tends to be advanced in gifted children, but perhaps not as advanced as the intellectual stuff.

Organizational skills can be a typical area where some gifted boys are 'behind.'

Grin

DD never had a problem with emotional maturity. She was and still is far more mature than her actual age. Physically she started walking early (9.5mos) but was very clumsy and uncoordinated for a long time. She also was delayed somewhat in her fine motor skills but that may have had more to do with boredom than anything else. She wouldn't color until she was 5 (hated it), her penmanship was very poor up until this year, and she was never good with scissors. I will say that her intellectual development was considerably more advanced in comparison to her physical development but the emotional development was never delayed.

Oh yes, DD is a good example of AD (not ADD).

For example, she understands that everybody will die, including herself.
She knows that Santa is not real.

She has just started to make real drawings, not just the typical 'scrambles'.
She gets a tamtrum if DS (16 months) tries to get her Lego construction.

Socially speaking, I am not certain if she is either socially inmature or a social genius because she really has learn to 'act' or mimic other kid's behaviors.

I always think of "asynchronous development" as just referring to a difference, whatever that difference is. I was using it recently when DS couldn't draw pi quickly. The kid's mind is easily high school level for math, but he also writes his log problems in all the same size font, without the lower base. He understands that it should be smaller, but his little chubby hands just can't do it. The pi thing really slows him down. His brain has finished the math, and he's still forming that little squiggly line on top.

My kids are all on the larger size, so no real asynchronisms there. And I think they are fairly emotionally mature as well, but they also have goofy kid moments that are more in keeping with their actual age.

Is their a mismatch? I'm sure there is, but it's not a drastic thing in our house.

FWIW though, every time I discuss sending DS8 to middle school for math, DD13 has ALL kinds of examples of his asynchronous behavior

Hi ladies.

My son walked independently at 9.75 months and climbed stairs and ran by 11 months, so I would not characterize him as physically delayed by any measure. Although his writing and math problems are really large and a bit messy also.

His asynchronous development, which was most obvious from age five to nine, presented because he was so intellectually advanced as compared to age and held mature social expectations that his classmates did not meet. Additionally, he is very emotionally intense. His feelings were easily hurt before he accepted common boy world behaviors and he didn’t hide it. With age, he is more willing to participate in boy world teasing and has become more a part of the group although he would only categorize one or two school buddies as good friends.

This article illustrates best what I mean when I refer to the fact that DS was very asynchronous as a young boy.

http://www.gt-cybersource.org/Record.aspx?NavID=2_0&rid=11392

Did I ever tell you about the time DS got in big trouble for being upset, and causing a fuss, because the other little 5 year old boys in aftercare wanted to play "snake" with a plugged in electric cord, and the teacher thought that my DS was acting really, really immature for not just letting them be. She figured that he was probably feeling a bit left out for not being included in the game.

And I wonder why he's such a cynic at age 11. ((shiver))

Frowity, not Grinity right this minute

Hmmm . . . I never used that term to refer to my kids but I suppose it is somewhat accurate.

I'll respond for only the kid most evidently asynchonous. His physical development was ridiculously slow and he qualified for EI until 2.5 for ST, PT, OT, and cognitive therapy. I suppose all that is about age appropriate now, although I think he writes better than average for age and is easily doing worksheets in school for kids a few grade levels ahead.

Emotionally, he's amazingly mature and always was. At 18 months, I saw him take toys other kids were fighting over and throw them into playpens to end the argument. I've never seen him engage in an argument that degenerated to name calling or "small" behavior. He defends himself, but will forgive in two seconds and focuses always on moving on, not on revenge or pettiness. If he can't do that, he gets out of the situation and goes and reads by himself rather than engaging in a long battle. He had a period of being quick to cry during K, but he's over that now. I often call him generous -- he's generous in his view of others, thinks the best possible of others, and is quick to praise their efforts and focus on making others feel good about themselves.

In terms of organization . . . . got a ways to go there. He recently got off the bus with a weighty chess book opened and his nose buried in it -- no backpack and no lunch box, but he had what mattered to him! We're working on it . . . .

J

Oh that's a hoot!!!! I love the visual that comes with that. DS would just complain to me that "the babies are being mean", ROFL!

I think DD13 finds ME "asynchronous", and she's giving me a lot of grief for using the word "jammies" in DS's bday party invites, .

Wow, I like the article delbows pointed to. I've never thought of DD10 as asynchronous developing since all her academic areas seem fairly even, but her emotional maturity has always been remarkable for her age.

That's comforting right now, since her time management skills are driving us all nuts (me, DH, teachers, coaches).

This is exactly the sort of situation I always think of when I think of asynchronous development. The world-at-large sees most clearly the kids who are emotionally intense, which means the child seems to be (or perhaps even is) behind age level in the emotional front.

But I think the more common issue is that an HG+ child seems like such a little adult intellectually, but then s/he gets hungry or tired and throws an age-appropriate tantrum, and the adults around can't understand what happened to the little adult. The contrast is so glaring that the tantrum seems much less age-appropriate than it is.

Child #1 in our family--the HG+ one--tends to be emotionally advanced, well-behaved, rule-oriented, and highly logical. At maybe 8 months old, he was figuring out EXACTLY what the house rules were by testing the boundaries and looking to me for a "no" so he could understand precisely what it was that I was saying "no" to. Can I roll the car on the wall with my right hand? How about my left hand? Can I bang the car on the wall? How about rolling it on the floor? When he got a nod and "yes" from me instead of a "no," he never did the "no" things again. I could almost see the wheels turning! It was one of the moments that told me for sure he was a GT kid.

Now, Child #2 is a drama queen, an emotional mirror and every other emotional intensity you could dream up. At age 3, however, he's pretty much right on target for his age, I think.

Interesting conversation!

This is absolutely true! I have found that adults that know dd7 expect so much more out of her and when she acts 7 they look at her cross-eyed.

We get the same looks when my 5 year old actually acts 5 on those rare occasion usually involving fighting with his 3 year old sister.

We're all so asynchronous at my house that I often forget gifted people can be otherwise. My kids are PG with AS, PG with ADD, PG with ADHD, and probably PG probably ADHD again. We have lots of sensory issues as well, which tends to compound the situation.

Sensory overload at a crowded birthday party used to make my oldest melt down, and the fact that he was socially a few years behind the other kids already just made it that much more difficult. Expectations for gifted kids tend to be that they behave as a child of their mental ability, but that doesn't work out with an aspie kid. So he'd be eight acting five, and then the sensory stuff would pull his behavior down to age three. Never mind that he was able to read and do intellectual tasks many years ahead...

My son just had physical delays--he has always seemed more mature emotionally than kids his age, maybe because he had to learn to deal with being different from a very early age. Several years ago, when he could see that I was so upset about the school refusing to provide an appropriate education and I spent too much time being frustrated with the situation and worrying about how I could change things, he told me that I needed to stop worrying about the way things "should be" and just deal with "what is." I realized then that he had to come to terms with "what is" instead of the way things "should be" at a very early age, especially in Kindergarten when people were telling him he "should be" able to do things like coloring in the lines and cutting and drawing because he was obviously intelligent since he could already read and do math grade levels ahead of age mates before starting Kindergarten. He had already learned some difficult life lessons. He has always been able to talk about it, so emotional maturity always seemed advanced.

He knows that he is academically advanced but he does not show off his intelligence, even around kids who have teased him about not being as strong or as fast or athletic like they are.

He did not seem too upset when an adult was guilty of "verbal bullying" toward him. He told me he understood that she had "issues" and he was able to let it go.

I think doctors thought my son's delays might just be asynchronous development and this is why my son was never really given a dignosis. It was as if they were blind to his mild physical delays and only noticed the advanced vocabulary and they seemed to enjoy talking to him. In my sons medical records they wrote things like "seems to be high IQ" but not much about any physical problems. The developmental pediatrician's report from a few years ago only mentions proprioceptive and vestibular issues and she recommended having him do activities from the Out-of-Sync-Child Has Fun. So I thought he was just asynchronous.

So here we are at age nine and other kids notice that he is not as physically able to do things as they are and he is talking about quitting scouts--the only activity he is involved in with age mates. People whose children have sensory integration issues and are receiving therapy for it notice him. People whose children have hypotonia and are receiving therapy notice him. But because he was so bright and able to compensate for some of his differences, he was not referred for OT or PT for his differences. I guess they thought he was just asynchronous. Asynchronous with all of the overexcitabilities, smart and funny and quirky.

People have a really hard time believing that my very articulate nine year old who is able to talk intelligently about the latest happenings in the news and loves to share his opinions about the things he hears, is able to memorize scripts and songs faster than much older gifted kids in his musical theater class, and who seems so obviously gifted, could have a physical problem that would cause him to not be able to learn a complex series of dance steps as fast as younger kids. They tell him he is not trying when he is trying very hard and he continues to try very hard because he does eventually get it--usually at the last possible second.

Oh Lori!
It sounds like your son has a wonderful character! I do so hate looking back at the years when my son was getting the message that he 'wasn't trying.' I'm glad your son knows better!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

By the way Delbows, thank you so much for that link! I could see myself and a past relationship in that first scenario, and it was very healing to read that writeup. Thanks for sharing!

Asynchronous Development to me is more a case of not knowing which "age" child (physical agge is 8 1/2) I'm going to be interacting with at times. Is it the child that just finished reading an advanced article on global warming and wants to discuss alternative to whatever creates greenhouse gasses? Is it the child that cannot sit still through dinner because there is a really cool meteor shower starting soon and he "needs" to be ready? Is it the child that can only talk about the evolution of pokemon and which one he wants to catch next? Is it the child that is throwing himself on the floor in a temper tantrum because he tore the picture he was drawing?
Each of these aspects of my son require a very different interaction from me. Even more intersting is that in the course of a conversation or activity these aspects can overlap and comingle.

Oh yes!

Last night, during an evening sledding with friends, DS11 crashed into a car at full speed, earning a sore arm and a bump on the noggin.

All his various ages needed my attention. He wanted to know all the facts, and what could have happened. Later in bed, the fears that he had injured his brain resurfaced, and he asked for more information about brain injuries.

After letting him go on and on a while, I said. If I were a regular mom, I would just say, "OK, stop thinking about it, it could have been bad, but you did not do any damage. The only thing at risk of hurting you now, is you worrying about what could have happened. I don't like anyone hurting you, including you, so stop it."

He said: Why don't you say that?
I took this to mean that although he was asking questions on the older, intellectual level, that he wanted some good old age appropriate babying.

So I said, "Then I will. Nothing bad happend, you are fine, stop thinking about it."

He rolled over and went to was quiet. Soon he was asleep. What would I pay for a microphone that would pick up his thoughts. My fear is that he would keep on worrying, but just go quiet about it. My hope is that I spoke to the boy at the age he needed to be at that moment.

I'm grateful for getting this particular thread at this time, and to Delbows link, for reminding me that he does need many different interactions from me - depending on his age at the moment.

Smiles,
Grinity

I was thinking about the term "Asynchronous" today, and how there was an earlier discussion somewhere on this board regarding the use of the term "gifted". I remember someone wasn't really fond of describing people as "gifted" (kcab, I believe?). I agreed with whoever it was at the time, but I didn't have time to post the couple days that discussion was happening! Amazing - I actually found the thread.

http://giftedissues.gt-cybersource.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/3939#Post3939

Anyway - I've grown much more comfortable with the terminology since doing research and reading on this topic and rejecting the gifted denial somewhat. But I could really see how throwing the term "gifted" around too heavily in front of a parents of ND children who could set them off. Before I knew DS was gifted, an aquaintence of mine used to talk about her gifted children in such an annoying tone that reeked of superiority. She definitely threw it around like a status symbol. Anyway, I definitely avoid that terminology in general conversation.

Anyway, thinking aloud on the computer here, I was wondering if it would make the world and legislators more comfortable using the term "Asynchronously developing" to describe children. It could also used to describe LD children accurately I think. Maybe we could be funded the same on both ends of the spectrum. Ahhh ... it's fun to dream.

Gosh, all this time I've thought I was a hypochondriac....now I know I'm just GT! (I'm only partially laughing, LOL!)

Sorry about the sled bump there Grin! Poor guy! I hope the car was at least stationary?

I rarely use "GT" type words IRL, and something I read last night in my Terence Tao article really resonated with me. Let me get the exact wording...



I tend to second guess so much of what I say, and really only feel that I can cut loose in places like this. I like the alternative phrase idea. I tend to use thoughts like "unique needs" when talking about DS. I went too far one day though when another parent thought my poor son was profound in the other direction. Interestingly though, she was more interested and caring when she had that thought, .

Dottie, the other mother's reaction was awful! But it's a reaction I see lots of times at my kids school. I guess maybe the other mother felt somewhat superior when she thought your DS had problems and then to find out he was very gifted took away that superior feel. Or maybe she felt you needed her sympathy on the one hand and then to find out he was gifted meant you didn't need her sympathy?? (to give her the benefit of the doubt - LOL!). Last year in my DS's K class a child was being tested for the GT program and another mother got wind of it and threw a fit because "if one is getting tested then they should test them all!!!" In fact the parents act much worse about it all than the children. The kids just take it matter of factly that some of the kids are in the GT program, but it can really bring out the claws in the parents. I guess they feel their child is being put down if he/she isn't recognized as gifted. It's interesting isn't it that athleticism can be so celebrated out in the open but intelligence cannot.

I can relate to this statement. Its interesting that if your child has any learning disabilities that you can discuss it openly with anyone but if your child is GT you don't have the same liberty to talk about it without fear of some form of judgment. I think that is why I feel at home here. I can talk about my daughter and the fact that she IS gifted. Every single parent here can relate to finally having that freedom, I'm sure.

I hesitate to find an alternative phrase to describe my dd because I don't think there's any shame in the term gifted. I think any other term would eventually end up having the same connotations as "gifted" does anyway.

I just happy to have found a community like this. If only the real world had the same reaction to our kiddos!

Ditto to both paragraphs!

The term "gifted" is a specific, educational term with a specific meaning. To be blunt, I wish the rest of the world would just get over it.

...But they won't, of course. Not any time soon. And so here we are. For the record, I usually say, "He's a bright kid" or something like that instead of using the word gifted. It seems to get the point across in a less annoying/threatening manner. At least the responses I get seem to be more positive and/or supportive

BTW, now that we're home schooling, lots of people ask me why we made the move. So whereas before I almost never told anyone that DS6 was gifted, now it seems like I'm talking about it a lot! (Though I always try to say the bare minimum about it to avoid sounding like I'm bragging or trying to "convert" people to home schooling. I want to do neither!)

On the bright side, people seem to realize that if you pull your kid out of school for "emergency" home schooling, he probably really is gifted. At least that seems to be the way the responses tend, by a wide margin.

Yeah, that was me having trouble with the term "gifted". I still do, though I've also become somewhat habituated by hanging around here. After all, "moron" was once a clinical term (perhaps it still is, not my field), I remember how surprised I was to see it listed as the label for a specific IQ range. I don't think learning disabilities have always been easy for parents to be open about, that seems like a relatively new phenomenon to me. (If it's true - is it true that it's not a big deal to talk about a learning disability?)

So, me, I like the term "asynchronously developing".

I was thinking to say more...but teh wine is going to my head...

-k

I agree that learning disabilities are still considered a big deal and it is often challenging to get the schools to appreciate the child's needs. It is hardly taken in stride.

I have known plenty of kids who were profound "in the other direction" as Dottie said. There really is no comparison to what we go through with our kids. Certainly, they can bring joy to their families and I feel blessed to have know them and families who care for them. But keep in mind that many profoundly delayed chilren require multiple surgeries and hospitalizations, 24 hour care, and may never speak or walk, and certainly will never live independently. So, yeah, I totally understand why someone who was familiar with a profoundly delayed child wouldn't think we deserved much sympathy! I certainly am grateful for everything we've been "gifted" with.

You know, a lot of a child's 'special learning needs' depends on personality as well. So I exploit this in conversation quite a bit. In my "Hi We're New" speech, I talk some about DSll "needing to cary big rocks" as a personality quality. I try to throw in an appreciative comment about "I just love how some kids create challenge for themselves - I wish there was more of that in my child's personality - but you have to take them as they are" ((Frown, Head shake and shoulder shrug)) This, followed by a quick subject change to their child's experience or if have had any similar experiences keeps me in a comfort zone. Not that this approach has resulted in me being inundated with invites for coffee or anything - yet - but I hope I'm not irritating people, and that I'm creating a tiny bit of acceptance out in the ND world. I try to create the tone of 'This is the only way, it is hard in some ways, but our family is brave and realizes that all parents do the best they can, us included.'

Once your child has an accomidation, most people realize that they don't want their child in that situation, and that your kid must need it, cause they will get reports from their kid that your kid is 'smart.'

Pull Out Programs are different - they are seen as 'perks.' Plus the kid is still gifted '24/7' - although I think pull out programs can be very useful for gifted kids, they are just harder to 'sell.'

I haven't seen much by way of claws, but that could be in part that my son is tall, and loud, and has lots of externalizing behavior - so Parents notice right off the bat that there is a 'tiger in my tank.' In the begining the hardest thing for me socially was the opposite, when the other kid's parents would say: "Is DS going to be a lawyer when he grows up?"

Those kinds of comments floored me. Now I just say, "Are you ok?" And yes, I do get a certian pride from having him be "like that."

I'm learning so much from Grinity, and will have to try that approach. I didn't mean to even hint at extreme LD's when I said things like "He really doesn't fit in with a traditional classroom" and "He has very extreme needs". Perhaps it's better to just come right out with it? I don't know....

I DO find it easier personally to talk about DD's learning disabilities, rather than her GT-ness. You guys know how helpful I like to be, explaining scores and such. Well, when APD/dyslexia issues come up IRL, I can really let it all out without that "I can't believe I'm talking about this" feeling I get when DS is the focus. I've pointed quite a few in the right direction on that one, without even mentioning DD's gifts (although I sometimes feel guilty for THAT!)

I too am extremely grateful for all our collective giftings! And I certainly didn't mean to "unsympathize" the profoundly disabled. I agree, BIG difference. I was just caught off guard that this other parent went there from what I said, kwim?

One more comment (I can never get it all out in one shot!)...

Lest you think I discuss this stuff freely on a regular basis, let me share the context. The "profound" discussion came up last year in the heat of my legal proceedings (when the school threatened to unaccelerate DS after 3 weeks of acceleration for strictly political reasons). I was in my Bible study group, asking for somewhat "generic" prayer for my situation with the school. I desperately craved that prayer, but didn't want to share too much. Of COURSE questions followed, what was I thinking?

Anyway....I guess I'm wondering for the future whether or not it's better to shut up completely, or lay it all on the table, .

You are getting there Dottie, you just need a few diffent 'elevator speechs' for the various situations that come up. Practice, Practice, Practice!

I don't know where we got the idea that every social interaction is supposed to be generated fresh on the spot - I think about it more like the 'other guy' mufflers on the old Midas compercial - they have a few basic models and then take the attitude of "We'll MAKE it fit!"


Smiles,
Grinity

I have the same sort of problem with our situation, Dottie. People wonder why DS6--who looks 8--is with me during the day, or they ask him where he goes to school...and we haven't done a very good job of coming up with an "elevator speech" to explain the situation. Obviously we say "homeschooling," but I haven't come up with anything succinct for the questions that follow.

Good advice, Grinity! I'll work on it, too!

Dottie - I wish I knew the answer! I really struggle with this. So many people come up to me and ask how 1st grade is going and I stammer every time because I don't know where to take it. 40% of the kids at our school are tagged GT and I haven't found a parent there I talk about this openly with. I volunteer in the classroom once a week and DS really is "out there". Which at the beginning of the year, I had no idea where we were at.

There is not much enrichment at our school, but a parent of a girl in my son's class has volunteered to lead a jr. great books group with kid's reading at or above 2nd grade level. So there are 5 kids that do this every 2 weeks in his class. This little group is kept very quiet. As well as the "challenge math group" the teacher operates. And even the challenge 3rd grade spelling words. You'll never hear about them unless they come home with your child. I'm sure there are parents in the classroom who will never know about any of this. She sends home a newsletter every week full of the stuff done by the main curriculum. Obviously, by design. Interesting.

Anyway - I too am also very grateful for the existence of this board! I also wish the world would get over it. But since I'm still so new to this world, I still feel like I'm getting over it!

FWIW, I don't share info with anyone except two other mom's who have HG/PG children and this board.
We live in a community where people move here specifically for the gifted programs.
People are extremely competitive about how smart their child is.
Many people think their child is the smartest child they have ever seen.
If they meet a child that challeges that idea............well, let me just say I've had a few parents approach me and want their child to be friends with DD7. After spending a little time around her, they slowly back away.
She is a lovely child, sweet, no behavior problems. She just spooks people sometimes.
My two BFF's with pg kids go to different schools within the district, so it's nice.
I'm just not competitive, sometimes I wish DD's were not so different KWIM?
I don't talk to other parents about what the girls are doing because I find it counterproductive in terms of the girls socializing.
If you've never been to Kenya, you couldn't describe the terrain or subtleties of the local culture, right?
Just last week my BFF mom at school started asking me pointed questions about a highly secret ability grouping going on for six in the grade.
Then she started asking me to name kids.
I lied and told her I didn't know anything about it.
After she left, I felt like I'll never have a friend around here.

Oh well,
Incog

My problem is on the other end of the spectrum. My DD acts so "normal" that I had to convince my DD's father that she is indeed EG.

Even after he had the IQ results he still insisted that Sarah was "certainly bright but not gifted". We ended up in court (DD's father and I are divorced) where a judge had to rule that DD was "Extremely gifted" and declared my DD "A special needs child" under some sort of California Family Code. My Ex felt that DD being in a school for the gifted was "elitist". A court had to tell him that it was not a choice to be attending that school, that it was a need. He doesn't get her at all, specially when she has her "normal" age appropriate tantrums!!

On the other hand, my DD can go unnoticed in social situations. She does tend to make friends on the older side but because she is very tall for her age (99% in height) it is not obvious that she is younger. When she is with her friends, she loves to talk about Hannah Montana and High School Musical just like any other girls her age. She does favor boys rather than girls as close friends (she likes sports).

I love people like you!!! You are a true system buster, gifted people around the world thank you!!!

I wish my parents had stood up to for me the way you did for your daughter.

You are a mom rock star.

Incog

I can certainly practice those "elevator speeches" with the differing voices inside my head. I got DD13's SAT scores this morning, and she did not set any records. I'm trying to gain perspective, and stop "comparing" her to the PG numbers I tend to hear on a regular basis. I know how the "average MG parent" feels because I am that parent!

(((INCOG))) Just because you need a hug! My heart breaks for your last sentence.

Incog - the people at my kid's school are extremely competitive too. I just don't play that game either. At least you have 2 good friend's with kids in similar situations so you do have someone to talk to. But I'm sure it is hard not being in the same boat as most of the other parents at school and feeling like you can't discuss it with anyone.

Dottie - I am the "average MG parent" too and sometimes the talk on this board amazes me and makes me question whether I really belong here or not. But I do enjoy talking with people who have some of the same experiences as I do.

bianc - wow! Good for you standing up for your child! You are amazing!

EandCmom: I am not amazing, I am just lucky to have an amazing child, but thanks.

Incogneato: As Dr. Laura would say "we have two chances in life, one as a child and one as a parent". You ARE standing up for your child, therefore taking that second opportunity as a parent of a special child.

Thank you, bianc.

eandcmom: You absolutely belong here.

Dottie, thanks, but don't feel too bad. I am convicted in my belief that I should stand up for my child, even at personal cost.
At the end, when I look back, I won't be remembering any of the moms who get weird. You all know what I'll be thinking of cause you all will be having the same happy memories.
I know what I'm doing and I'm happy I'm doing it .

Besides, no one could feel isolated with such awesome I-BFF's!

Incog

That's how our district feels - highly competitive to many parents. Our school has a huge highly involved parent base. The GT magnet that we're trying to get into, a lot of the parents are hyper competitive, even if their kid is performing at grade level and over 1/2 the kids down there are. And that is just so not me. But the teachers and admin down there really "get" GT kids. And they probably get their parents too. It's the hyper competitive ones that give the rest of us a bad name.

My kid is also a kid that totally blends. He occassionally slips into geeky mode and throws out a random dissertation, but generally he blends. He is socially quite happy with school. He has groups of kids working on snow forts and role playing the spiderwick chronicles at recess. If only it were just gym and recess! I'm still trying to work on DH's denial. I wish he could volunteer in the classroom a few times. That really slaps you in the face with it.

Bianc -
I say three cheers for you! I know what it's like to battle a school system of experts, and there were times when my DH's support melted in the heat. That was bad enough. I am so grateful that your Judge was able to see and believe your DD's needs, and you had support for your position with your XH - but still - it can't have been a pretty sight.

So I'm double glad that your DD has a good school that works for her, and your vision. Yippee!

Gifted academics + Good social skills= camoflauged child, yes?

Grinity

Observing in school is ideal, and I do reccomend strongly pushing it. And by strongly, I would say, "Listen, I love you and respect your opinion on most things, but until you have spend at least 3 hours at our child's school observing the daily life, this subject isn't open for discussion."

Alternate - plan a playdate with a few agemates, and get DH's committment to be the chaperone. Suggest that he teach them how to play one of his favorite games, such as chess or monopoly or whatever will give him a chance to get close enough peeks at a normally developing kid to see the beauty of the normal unfolding process. Make sure you are out "grocery shopping" or "getting a facial" during the playdate, and that it goes on 'long enough.' Be sure when you plan the playdate not to invite the two other kids who can somewhat keep up with dear child.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Grinity is convincing me of this position. I don't volunteer in the classroom because my work situation precludes it. DH was in one classroom recently and spent the next two days giving me stories I just couldn't believe. All the kids were adorable and fabulous, but many of them weren't doing things we thought were normal for kids at least a few years younger. This is a competitive school with test scores in the top 10 for elementary schools in my state. One of the teachers at the school told us she thinks the kids are pushed to learn too fast and it's too academic in the lower grades.

I have observed playdates, but I think that may be counterproductive because some of the chosen playmates were not that different than my kids (although others were clearly different).

I think I need to start working on my own denial . . . maybe I need to take vacation days to volunteer because I'm still just not getting it.

I agree with the kudos to Bianc -- that's a lot of work and difficulty to achieve what you child needed and you should be proud of yourself.

J

Great ideas, Grinity! Thanks. I've just been kind of letting this sit on the back burner during December. DS's teacher was going to make a couple of changes for him, but they are really so minimal and are not cutting it ! So DH might find himself doing the volunteer shift some week at school soon!

It is funny. DH (who I do love dearly, and is also obviously GT) is driven absolutely crazy by other boys DS's age. He can barely take it! The difference is really obvious. And it certainly isn't like DS is never annoying or squirrely. He is just annoying in a different way!

Welcome to my world!