Wow, we ladies take a topic and really just beat the stuffing out of it don't we??

It's actually one of the reasons I enjoy you all so much!

I

Hi All! Love hearing Incogneato Front and Center!

Wow, I missed a great conversation, with some great responses, I especially loved Lorel's insight that she could be worried about your "trueness"

If this is true than I reccomend that you two come up with a "code joke" that you can give each other to test your identities - that's what they do in SciFi Novels I like to read anyway!

The fact that she is playing happily doesn't rule out that she will come back to her 'favorite worry' sometime later. My son was preoccupied with death at age 3 also. Then in 1st grade he saw a presentation on Global Warming. He's 11 now, and still terrified at times, although cheerful and having fun lots of other times. It seems like these kids have enough working memory to be having a great time, and running a worry program "in the backround."

He just admitted to me tonight, while I should have been posting and him sleeping (humor alert) that he's fearful that he's causing himself harm by biting his nails without washing his hands. He handled lead in Science once, and was very reasured that lead poisioning take repeated exposure. He was also told - by some well meaning adult = that he could get ring worm from biting his nails. LOL it didn't encourage him to stop biting his nails, or start washing his hands, just to do it and worry. We'll see if this becomes a favorite worry, or dropps off the list.

In 6th grade I looked directly at the bulb on the projector and was terrified for the next 4 years that I would start to go blind. We had been warned not to do it. I don't know why I didn't talk it over with anyone. Our kids have wonderful memories, and strong emotions, and lots of access to half-understood information. I think it's a wonder they don't have more fears.

Anyway, the popular book on clones is by Farmer, something Scorpion. I didn't enjoy it and put it down half way. You may like to read a much better trilogy, C.J. Cherryth's "Cyteen."

This definitly isn't for DD, but I often 'retell' stories that I particularly enjoyed to my son in quite moments. Like the plot to 'the Matrix.' If I was around your DD I would say that one of my favorite stories was about a world where there were lots and lots of clones who were treated as 2nd class citizens, and that imagining other universes gives us a way to critisize our own society without people's walls going up immediatly.

She may find it reassuring that in the adult world there are a large number of people who are taking her concerns, whatever they are at root, seriously and making wonderful art. Yes, you can confirm that there are key issues in the world that contain lots of different threads and help us see who we are, and that it isn't suprising that she finds that area scary and interesting. Not sure if it would be useful to her, but I would love to hear her take on a SciFi world that had human clones.

Smiles,
Grinity

"She may find it reassuring that in the adult world there are a large number of people who are taking her concerns, whatever they are at root, seriously and making wonderful art. Yes, you can confirm that there are key issues in the world that contain lots of different threads and help us see who we are, and that it isn't suprising that she finds that area scary and interesting. Not sure if it would be useful to her, but I would love to hear her take on a SciFi world that had human clones."

Excellent point, I think I will do that. I especially like you Matrix reference, Trinity, I mean....Grinity!
I'm getting that she can benefit from knowing there are others(adults included) that think like her.
Who wouldn't find that reassuring?

this helps

I

Last night before falling sleep, my DS3 asked me out of the blue, "what is abortion?" How do I explain something like that to a 3 year old???!!! I stammered along and managed to give him a ridiculously simplified answer which he seemed to accept (sigh of relief!). But then he asked in a very concerned voice, "you're not going to have an abortion, are you?" I'm pregnant right now. I reassured him that I will not have an abortion and he happily chattered along about the baby brother/sister he is expecting.

Another difficult question he had asked me in the past was about the conflict in the Middle East. He wanted to know if it's possible ("if they got angry enough") for someone to blow up the Sears Tower or the John Hancock Center. We live in Chicago and he LOVES these two buildings. He was really worried. I absolutely hate to see such a little guy worry about something like that, but I couldn't lie to him and say it's impossible. I reassured him as best as I could that, American people are very very careful about protecting big buildings like that, especially after 9/11. I hope I'm right for everyone's sake!

I sometimes end up crying silently after such conversations because I realize just what a messed up world we live in and how beautifully fragile my child seems in it.

On a more selfish note, I must admit I worry a bit that he might talk like that with people who don't know that he is "different" who will surely think I'm a crazy mother for teaching her child about such grave matters! I've gotten surprised looks and raised eyebrows from people when they find out DS can read or answer a math question posed to his 7 year old cousin ("Let your child be a child. Why would you push your child to learn things like that when he will naturally learn them when he enters school?"). They don't know I have to constantly redefine what's "natural" and "normal" for a child. It's so nice to talk about these things here without fear of judgment.

Junior

Oh Junior!
It's amazing what they pick up! I'm glad you struggled through to tell him something simple but true. It gives me an insight into the nature of their difference, they are collecting information like puzzle pieces - probably from before they are born, is my guess, and latching on to those pieces with a laser grasp, and engraving them onto long term memory and then they can retrieve them more readily than nescessary, understood or not. Unfortunatly this process is self directed and not reliably easily put to use in school situations, particularly in those 2nd grade writing assignments!((Not sure if this is just my son and a few other, or pretty universal amoung this slice of the population.))

My son also came up with similar questions. He just walked in, and I reminded him, and he laughed and laughed. At 11 he can see how unusual it is for a kid to be acting this way. Then he told me not to post the specific. ((pout)) But I do have a brother (diagnosed 2E even way back then) who can remember almost everything that's ever happend to him, including birth. During a toast, another brother said, "When we were growing up, we didn't have the Internet to turn to for fact look, so we called DB!"

DB was also known as being the "funniest" in his grade all through school. Is there a link between information retrieveal, FOK, and humor? I would guess there is. I'm listening to an Audio Presentation of "Born Standing Up" Steve Martin's autobiography of his 20's. It's clear to me both that he was very very bright, and that he had to work very very hard. Too bad it's "Rated R" or it would be a great way to hammer home the "success follow work" idea.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

So true! And often that knowledge is disseminated, whether adults are ready for it or not...

I can recall being THE source for birds-and-bees info on the playground when I was 5 or 6. There was all sorts of misinformation out there, and the kids would ask me what was true. I remember vividly a little "lecture" I gave with half of my 1st grade class huddled around me on the playground in our winter coats. LOL!

I took the "job" very seriously, even doing some research to make sure I answered all questions absolutely correctly and thoroughly. Can you imagine?

I've often wondered if there were scores of parents unhappy with me or relieved that their kids knew the truth without their having to tell them!

"I've often wondered if there were scores of parents unhappy with me or relieved that their kids knew the truth without their having to tell them!"

-I was wondering the same thing, the parents must haved loved you ROFL!!!!!

You should ask your parents if they got any phone calls on that one!

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Kriston - too funny!!! I was in a similar place as you. My mother always answered my questions completely honestly so I knew all about the birds-and-bees by the time I was around 3. When I got to school, I was the go to kid for answers to questions and I'd answer them all just as honestly and if I didn't know I'd ask my mom!!!! I'm sure she never knew I was passing all this information around to the other kids but nobody's parent ever came after me to stop me so I guess it was all ok!!!! :-)

My kids have asked tons of tough questions too about death and the state of the world and I have always followed my mother's example and told the truth as best as I can while being as reassuring as I can be. I remember worrying about lots of stuff when I was little and I still worry way more than I should. But I've realized worrying has never done me any good so I try to pass that on to my kids in the hopes that they won't worry as much as I did (and do). I try to tell them to not worry about things they can't do anything about but try to do something about the things they can.

I doubt my mom got any calls. She almost certainly would have given me a "cease-and desist" order if anyone had called to complain. LOL!

I'm with you about telling kids the truth, E&C. If they're going to worry--and they are!--I'd rather that they worry about global warming and cloning and death and fire than about the random imaginings that misinformation is going to create in their little heads.

Besides, the lack of parental trust that would foster just doesn't seem worth it. If they can't trust us, who can they trust?

I just try to avoid the issues inherent in this old joke:

Little Suzie came to her mother and asked, "Mommy, where did I come from?"

Her mother took a deep breath and launched into a lengthy and graphic description of how babies are made. At the end of her lecture, she checked in with her daughter to see if she understood everything.

Little Suzie replied, "Huh. My friend Julie came from Omaha."

That's a great one to remember!
Grandson was consumed with anxiety when we got custody at age 5.5, I assumed it was due to life circumstances. Now I suppose his nature exacerbated the problems. He was terrified of going to ice skating lessons the first time because he was afraid of sharks coming up through the ice! When I explained it was an indoor rink with only a few inches of ice, and no water below, he was OK.
He used to work himself into a frenzy from worry. So I'd have him name every thing he was worried about. If it could be explained away, I'd do that. If it was irrational, just naming it seemed to ease the worry. And if it was something too heavy for a child, we tried to teach him to let the adults handle it. Of course, we didn't dismiss his fears, just reaffirmed that some things require the adult action. At 8.5, he's gotten past a lot of worrying but still comes up with some. Periodically he worries about robots that can pass for humans, and how will we tell the difference?